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Lessons From The Ladies Room #8: Holiday Boyfriend In A Box??

Posted Nov 21 2011 6:21pm

I recently came across an interesting post on my Facebook newsfeed thanks to a friend. She shared a craigslist ad written by a man in the San Francisco Bay area looking for someone to pose as a girlfriend for the holidays. It reads:

"WANTED: Holiday Girlfriend - 28 (mission district)

Let me be clear. I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend.

I just want one for the holidays.

Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf.

Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to (let's also recognize that it's getting fucking cold here), and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for permanent solo status.

But, you've spent all year working on your career / training for charity bike rides / getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend. And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway.

The solutionBe my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays.

How it worksYou reply with a picture and a brief bio (250 words max. To give you an idea, this posting is 499). If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date (coffee, beer, or whatever). If that's a success and we're both feeling it, we'll date until 11:59PM, January 2nd, 2012. After that we can still be friends (unless we hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty call).

The benefits• You have someone to keep you company on these witch-tit-cold San Francisco nights. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler? (I have references.)
• I like to cook. Especially for others. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and satisfying. As long as you're an omnivore, you win.
• Having done it professionally for some years to pay for school, I know my way around a bar. Same goes for wine cellars and beer coolers. Homemade winter warmers? Done.
• Hate holiday music? Me too. Seeing as every other establishment or event you step into will be playing it, I'll spare you the excess.
• Love taking photos? Sweet. Let's wear gaudy holiday attire and make ridiculous Xmas postcards to send your friends and family. Just for the lulz.
• Worried about finding someone to kiss on New Year's Eve who doesn't look (or sound) like Sloth's cousin? Boom! Got you covered.

About Me28 years old, small business owner, active (cyclist, surfer, snowboarder), outgoing, easy on the eyes.
Not About You (aka Dealbreakers or, Don't Bother if You Exhibit the Following)Heavy drug use, laziness, prudishness, still in love with old boy or girlfriend from years past (or if you secretly are, at least have the damn decency to not blab on about it).

Interested? Then send your pic and bio and get this ball rolling."

Wow. I don't know if this is serious or a joke, but it sure was good for laugh. He's basically trying to advertise the idea of  the perfect holiday boyfriend-in-a-box (and vice-versa) The lesson here? Other than be careful when meeting people online...there really is none that I can come up with in the 5 minutes I have to write this post (sorry...crazy busy at work, no pun intended at all btw). I just wanted to share, but would love to hear some of your thoughts on it! Is being alone for the holidays really that bad? What do you think of this ad? Sound appealing to anyone?

Regardless, if you find yourself pursuing love (real or contrived) online, remember to be safe and smart. This has been a PSG PSA. On this Monday remember that manners matter. Be good to yourself and be good to others.
xo
~M
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