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Lessons from the Ladies Room #3: If He Says He's Not Ready, He's Not Ready

Posted Oct 10 2011 8:06pm

Another Monday is upon us, which means that once again, we are off to a fresh start. With fresh starts come fresh lessons and here is this week's hot off the presses
If a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, believe him

In life, timing is key, and sometimes the stars do not align for us as we would have wanted in matters of the heart. If you've ever heard from a guy that he is not ready for a monogamous relationship or the commitment that comes with a "title" anytime in the foreseeable future, then you know what I'm talking about.
Obviously, this can be very hard to accept if you meet someone that you really like. In order to avoid this disappointment or emotional pain, some women may start to convince themselves they can handle a casual, non-commitment type of arrangement and are willing to forgo labels and a traditional relationship until the guy decides to come around. One may perhaps also feel that if they stick it out and show him what a phenomenal catch that they are, he will quickly come to his senses. Unfortunately, taking this road can do more harm than good. The more time we spend with others, the more emotionally invested we become. Avoiding the initial disappointment that you would've felt by having to let the person go can usually lead to deep, long-term hurt down the road if this non-commitment type scenario extends for too long. Giving in to a situation you may not be suited for in order to bring about temporary happiness or a sense of feeling wanted can lead to the opposite results. Times ten. For, if after months or perhaps years of waiting around, he decides he is still not ready (which is allowed, especially if he told you so from day 1), you may look around and start to ask yourself (and him)..."Wtf?". "Wtf is wrong with him?", "Wtf is wrong with me?", "Wtf have I been waiting all this time for?" etc...Thus, compromising on what type of relationship you want for yourself can lead to blaming, second guessing of your own self-worth, decrease in self-esteem, anger, sadness, and resentment. That's a lot of emotional baggage to take from a relationship that wasn't a relationship to begin with, right?
People change and experience growth in their own time. He is just as entitled to feel that he's not ready as you are to feel that you want a commitment. If he says he's not ready to commit, he's not ready. It is ok to stick to your guns. It is ok to walk away. It is not ok to lead the other person on whether it be you feigning contentment with casual relationships or him telling you he'll commit and doing the total opposite. Avoid both by being aware of your needs and expectations and proceeding honestly and accordingly.
This has been a PSG PSA. Be good to others and be good to yourself. Thanks for reading.
xo
~M
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