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Learning to cope with breakups! 4,911

Posted Nov 17 2010 10:55am

Learning to cope with breakups! It's the wave of the future! And you likely have no choice anyway.

Our society has been called "A Divorce Culture". A self- fulfilling prophesy!

With 75 percent or more of relationships failing you had better get used to separations and breakups. The experts tell us it's going to get much worse before it gets better. It will likely take several more generations for men and women to really care for each other in a healthy way. By 2020, it's estimated that 25-percent of women will have no interaction with men and remain unmarried and unattached.

No man can satisfy even a small portion of a woman's need to be intimate.  Men know that a women can't accept him just as he is. He does't want to change. If a woman could change a man she would then despise him as a submissive wussy anyway. It's a no win situation all the way around. A man knows a woman will change from that loving attractive person he first met into one who is dissappointed in him after marriage. He'll never again measure up in her eyes.

Back to surviving bad breakups!

First off, of course, break-ups suck. They suck whether you get dumped or do the dumping. And yes, men do feel the pain just as much as women, even if we’re sometimes better at pretending we don’t. The trick in a bad break-up isn’t how NOT to feel the pain, it’s how to NOT let this particular break-up totally stop your life dead in its tracks and leave it there as a sad ghost of your former self.

Here are some tried and true remedies to minimize the pain and get on with living your life:

1. Feel the pain when it hits. I know this sounds moronic, but no, I don’t mean to wallow in sadness and despair. I’m talking about a Zen thing here. The concept in a nutshell is that the more you push down or push away sad feelings the more they come back and ambush you (like when you’ve finally gotten a date with the cute bar tender) when you least expect and least want them to. Of course you’re not always in an appropriate place to feel sadness when it hits, but when you are, when you’re alone, see how strong you can be and tell the feelings to give it their best shot. Allow them to wash over and through you, mutter angry words to yourself, hit a pillow, let the rain fall and guess what? The pain will pass all the more quickly. Note I didn’t say to do this at work, in public, and especially not in front of your ex. Have some pride!

2. Make a list of the things that bugged the heck out of you. First you can rant and then get down to some serious analyzing. Relationships are a two way street. Even if you’re the dumped one you had things about her you didn’t like, if you broke up with her spell out the reasons why. Put this list in an envelope in your nightstand and mark your calendar to read it three months from now.

3. Make a list of the things she said that bugged her about you. If she broke up with you, why did she do it? Did she give you a list of your faults? Spell out as much as you can remember. Put this list in that same envelope and mark your calendar to read it three months from now.

4. Let yourself bitch about the unfairness of it all for one month. At the end of the month be done with it. It’s tough to do, but ask yourself if you want to marinate in sadness and anger or get out there and meet someone new.

5. Hang out with positive people. As tempting as it is to spend time with friends who’ll help you bad mouth your ex after the one month is up stop talking (and especially complaining) about her to others. This is just pouring salt on the wound. Spend as much time as possible with those friends who are positive, have their lives together or at least moving in the right direction.

6. Find a positive role model. What goal for your life have you been putting off while you were together with your ex? Where did you get lazy and let yourself slide? Figure it out and find a role model to inspire you to get up off your butt and get yourself in gear. Do you need to get in better shape? Work on your career? Improve your social skills? Look for someone (a friend, colleague, mentor, famous person) to inspire you and learn as much as you can about how they accomplished their goals. Pull your mind out of the sad recent past and put it on how to create a “new and improve you”.

7. Get back in the dating game. No, you’re not ready for another relationship, and maybe you don’t quite feel ready to date again yet, but you do need to start getting out there and realizing there are other fish in the ocean. Why not spend time browsing a few different online dating sites and seeing how many attractive single women are out there looking to meet men. It used to be that the number of men on online dating sites far out numbered the women, but women are now quickly catching up. Browse the men’s profiles as well and take notes on the profiles you like. Notice that the popular men (some sites list the favorites every day) have a great photo of themselves and that most men don’t. You can easily remedy this by going to a professional photographer rather than using any old snapshot of yourself you have lying around. A great photo of yourself is a great personal investment. Look for a photographer that has an arty edge and is good with black and white as well as color. You might have a professional portrait taken at the same time (in a suit) and kill two birds with one stone.

8. Be Opposite Man. Since your break-up has left you in a contrary mood anyway why not try doing things different then you normally would? This is a great time to try out new hobbies, new restaurants, new clothes, new music and yes, new kinds of women. Have you always dated the professional type? Why not try going out with an edgy tattooed artist? Have you always gone out with high maintenance drama queens who can’t live without their weekly “mani-pedi”? Why not ask out the sweet, fresh-faced girl at the local coffee bar out for a drink?

9. Look at your notes. It’s three months later. Open those notes with the stuff that bugged you about your ex, and what bugged her about her. Were the things that bugged you about her reasonable? By now you might have wanted to ad to the list. What are some of the female character traits you want to watch out for in the future? Conversely what things about you that bugged her were right on the money? Be a man and taking it standing up. If they’re things you can change why not give it a try?



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