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Learn the 3 R’s of Dating: Be Rested, Relaxed and Ready

Posted May 13 2010 6:04am

Whitney Casey, my new gal pal over at the Houston Chronicle, aptly puts it in her article - Pillow Talk Makes For Estranged Bedfellows. (Look for my comments .) The bottom line: make sure you’re well-rested before you go on a first, second, or third date. Here’s why.

Subliminally, we send and receive messages, powerful ones, in every nuance of those first few dates. Think of it like a job interview: it’s one time when you want to make the absolute best impression.

Whether you realize it or not, your brain is scanning every available piece of information, searching for the right conclusions, like your future happiness depends on it. Which it does. The decision to have the next date, and then the next, is one that leads inevitably toward a relationship. Once you’re in the relationship, backing out is dificult, so making the right decision early on is critical.

Guess what? Your date is doing the exact same thing. So if you show up with red, blearly eyes, unable to focus or be attentive, you’re sending a message - yawn! “I’m so tired,” your body language screams. “But I’m not taking care of myself, and by extension, I have little to offer you. Yawn. What did you say you do for a living? Wow, I could use some sleep. Oh yeah, it’s not important to me to make a good impression on you because I don’t really care that much about what you think. Yawn.”

This doesn’t mean you don’t really care about the date. In fact, you may show up sleepy because you’re afraid that if you put off the date your potential soul mate will skip on down the road to someone new. But that smacks of desperation. Neediness pushes people away, so again you’ve defeated yourself.

Showing up rested, relaxed, caring but not needy, alert, focused, and attentive, you send powerful signals that say, “I’m here, I’m interested in you, I care, and I’m all the way present. I take good care of myself and thus have a lot to offer you.” Now, doesn’t that feel good?

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