Labels and boxes… this is what I have been contemplating since my night last night. I know I can’t be the only person who is feeling the pull in life to drop these two limiting ways of seeing things and judging people. So I am out last night, and the company I am keeping is nothing to complain about at all. I am out with a very sexy, very good looking, very fun guy, ten years younger than me and did I mention he resembles an Adonis? Maybe it’s the ten years I have on him that allows me to just watch. Like a witness to our own little dance. Like an out of body experience as I am fighting to stay out of the box he so unconsciously has begun to place me in. I say unconscious because I can see he hasn’t separated from his labels and boxes tendency enough to get off auto pilot when it comes to where a woman fits in his neat little label compartments. And in seeing this I start to realize just how much of a hang up this whole world has when it comes to sex.
Labels and boxes. A woman likes sex, she is labeled easy, immediately being placed in the not to be respected box. A woman with holds her desires she is respectable. Immediately being placed in the acceptable box. Yet a man likes sex, he is labeled a stud, immediately being placed in the masculine box. Enough to make your head spin.
What is it in men that is so frightened of a woman knowing who and what will bring her pleasure and allowing herself this pleasure with a conscious decision to partake in someone, that they have to place her in the easy box? Does a woman not have the power to choose who and what she wants just as a man? Why do men insist on believing women are not hunters too? Is not a woman who gives herself permission to pleasure a powerful woman?
I watched last night as people went on with their interactions like they were label making machines. Placing each person into their little compartments and making up their minds that this was the absolute truth. Everyone dancing around on socially acceptable eggshells when I can guarantee you most people in that room wanted to get it on with someone… Yet we judge, the woman who knows what she wants. Or even the man who gets what he wants.
So yes, I sat looking at my own personal Adonis, with desire, all the while doing my socially acceptable dance myself. Even though I wanted to just lay it all out on the table.
The night was interesting. Between being around a bunch of twenty something’s who slapped me on the arm as they shouted “No way! You look great for your age!” As if I was some ancient fossil frozen in time. To the game we all play of wondering how we will be perceived or accepted.
Not one part of me wished I could go back to that place of unconsciousness. The place where it was still magic before I learned the trick. That place where I wasn’t aware it was an illusion. Where I could listen to the compliments being given to me without realizing they were only about getting in my pants. Or that place where I didn’t pick up on the man I am with actually flirting and being attracted to his friend we ran into and then every few minutes remembering he was attracted to me too. Where I could ignore all of that and well, just be in my box.
Ahhh yes! Those days are gone for me. But then I realized how in waking up to this mentality, I was no longer placing myself in a box. Nor did I label myself or my choices. This to me is worth waking up for….
Back to the Adonis…
By the middle of the night I began placing my Adonis in a box too. Yes, you didn’t think I was going to leave out my own labels and boxes tendencies did you? My box came from my past experiences with men who I perceived to be similar to him. My labels came from my past experiences with men of his profession maybe… or maybe just men in general!
But I have been chipping away for quite a long time now, at the boxes and labels in my mind. So this night, I am able to look in his eyes and for a moment, if even for a split second see the essence behind the man. Behind the words, behind the profession, behind the generalizations and poof! The box dissolves. Like magic…
Then conversations start up again… Another glass of wine and poof! The box is back. And I smile to myself… because I am actually able to call myself on my own judgments. And if I am calling “myself” on it, who exactly is the referee doing the calling?
And that is when the greatest truth of the life I am living comes to play. That same essence I pick up in his eyes for a moment, when I am caught of guard and my analytical judgments haven’t had time to catch up. It is that rare moment when I see the wonder of a person, their truth. It is the same wonder and essence that is the silent witness in me, the referee hanging back and just watching it all. It is that small voice that nudges at me with a whisper to let go of the box. Let go of the label. Let go of the control and open this gift sitting in front of me. Taste it. Take it in. Listen to it. Learn from it. Allow my essence to acknowledge their essence and with that comes the realization that we are all one.
Now, if I had kept “Adonis” in a box then how would things have turned out differently? Maybe I should have called this article “Adonis in a box”…
See I was pleasantly surprised to find him more than capable of depth in conversation; of truthfulness. Capable of speaking his own opinion while challenging mine. He was real. And in that he intrigued me. And this, I have to say, stimulated me on many levels.
It is like an onion... how many layers can you pull away? First layer being the first moment you see a person and that little feeling you get that you would like to experience them further. Now for me, this doesn’t happen all the time so I am not going to compare it to an animalistic attraction for someone. It is a deeper sense that not only puts the tingle in your jeansJ but also opens your mind and your heart to connect deeper.
The moral of this little story, boxes are good for moving. Labels are good for finding things. Neither belongs on human souls. …
See! Adonis’s are good for more than visual enjoymentJ So I am now going to take him out of the Adonis box… and say thank you to the man who got me thinking about labels and boxes…
So I am out last night, and the company I am keeping is nothing to complain about at all. I am out with a very sexy, very good looking, very fun guy, ten years younger than me and did I mention he resembles an Adonis? Maybe it’s the ten years I have on him that allows me to just watch. Like a witness to our own little dance. Like an out of body experience as I am fighting to stay out of the box he so unconsciously has begun to place me in. I say unconscious because I can see he hasn’t separated from his labels and boxes tendency enough to get off auto pilot when it comes to where a woman fits in his neat little label compartments. And in seeing this I start to realize just how much of a hang up this whole world has when it comes to sex.
Labels and boxes. A woman likes sex, she is labeled easy, immediately being placed in the not to be respected box. A woman with holds her desires she is respectable. Immediately being placed in the acceptable box. Yet a man likes sex, he is labeled a stud, immediately being placed in the masculine box. Enough to make your head spin.
What is it in men that is so frightened of a woman knowing who and what will bring her pleasure and allowing herself this pleasure with a conscious decision to partake in someone, that they have to place her in the easy box? Does a woman not have the power to choose who and what she wants just as a man? Why do men insist on believing women are not hunters too? Is not a woman who gives herself permission to pleasure a powerful woman?
I watched last night as people went on with their interactions like they were label making machines. Placing each person into their little compartments and making up their minds that this was the absolute truth. Everyone dancing around on socially acceptable eggshells when I can guarantee you most people in that room wanted to get it on with someone… Yet we judge, the woman who knows what she wants. Or even the man who gets what he wants.
So yes, I sat looking at my own personal Adonis, with desire, all the while doing my socially acceptable dance myself. Even though I wanted to just lay it all out on the table.
The night was interesting. Between being around a bunch of twenty something’s who slapped me on the arm as they shouted “No way! You look great for your age!” As if I was some ancient fossil frozen in time. To the game we all play of wondering how we will be perceived or accepted.
Not one part of me wished I could go back to that place of unconsciousness. The place where it was still magic before I learned the trick. That place where I wasn’t aware it was an illusion. Where I could listen to the compliments being given to me without realizing they were only about getting in my pants. Or that place where I didn’t pick up on the man I am with actually flirting and being attracted to his friend we ran into and then every few minutes remembering he was attracted to me too. Where I could ignore all of that and well, just be in my box.
Ahhh yes! Those days are gone for me. But then I realized how in waking up to this mentality, I was no longer placing myself in a box. Nor did I label myself or my choices.
This to me is worth waking up for….
Back to the Adonis…
By the middle of the night I began placing my Adonis in a box too. Yes, you didn’t think I was going to leave out my own labels and boxes tendencies did you? My box came from my past experiences with men who I perceived to be similar to him. My labels came from my past experiences with men of his profession maybe… or maybe just men in general!
But I have been chipping away for quite a long time now, at the boxes and labels in my mind. So this night, I am able to look in his eyes and for a moment, if even for a split second see the essence behind the man. Behind the words, behind the profession, behind the generalizations and poof! The box dissolves. Like magic…
Then conversations start up again… Another glass of wine and poof! The box is back. And I smile to myself… because I am actually able to call myself on my own judgments. And if I am calling “myself” on it, who exactly is the referee doing the calling?
And that is when the greatest truth of the life I am living comes to play. That same essence I pick up in his eyes for a moment, when I am caught of guard and my analytical judgments haven’t had time to catch up. It is that rare moment when I see the wonder of a person, their truth. It is the same wonder and essence that is the silent witness in me, the referee hanging back and just watching it all. It is that small voice that nudges at me with a whisper to let go of the box. Let go of the label. Let go of the control and open this gift sitting in front of me. Taste it. Take it in. Listen to it. Learn from it. Allow my essence to acknowledge their essence and with that comes the realization that we are all one.
Now, if I had kept “Adonis” in a box then how would things have turned out differently? Maybe I should have called this article “Adonis in a box”…
See I was pleasantly surprised to find him more than capable of depth in conversation; of truthfulness. Capable of speaking his own opinion while challenging mine. He was real. And in that he intrigued me. And this, I have to say, stimulated me on many levels.
It is like an onion... how many layers can you pull away? First layer being the first moment you see a person and that little feeling you get that you would like to experience them further. Now for me, this doesn’t happen all the time so I am not going to compare it to an animalistic attraction for someone. It is a deeper sense that not only puts the tingle in your jeansJ but also opens your mind and your heart to connect deeper.
The moral of this little story, boxes are good for moving. Labels are good for finding things. Neither belongs on human souls. …
See! Adonis’s are good for more than visual enjoymentJ So I am now going to take him out of the Adonis box… and say thank you to the man who got me thinking about labels and boxes…
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