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It’s Been a Long Time Coming: Help for Shy Boys

Posted Sep 11 2008 6:05pm
“I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.”
Garry Shandling


***New readers: Here’s a note about how to get the most out of this blog. As regular readers can attest, you might find it a bit different from others you’ve read because my intention is to be both entertaining and educational. Each new post is based on information presented in the previous one; so to get the maximum benefit, I recommend you begin with the introductory post from last August and read forward from there.***

“Drive Her Wild in Bed!”
“Sex Tips from Hot Girls!”
“Find Your Inner Stud!”

Sound familiar? You can find these articles in most male-oriented magazines. If you were a Martian, and based on your understanding of humans on these titles, you’d think that all men were performance-obsessed maniacs. Many men get the message that if they’re not highly sexually aggressive (“Woooo, mama! Over here!”), they’re unattractive, the result of which is that many haven’t yet had their first sexual experience with another simply because they lack confidence. I’ve talked to many guys who tell me they feel unattractive, clumsy, etc. and don’t know what to do.

For some, they may even be unaware of just who they’re attracted to—men, women or …? Let me tell you, realizing you’re bisexual, pansexual or try-sexual (“I’ll try anything once”) can be traumatic. Some guys remain asexual for years just coming to terms with this issue.

But the most common situation involves guys who are attracted to—but afraid of—women. “Dr. J: how do I get women to notice me?” “How do I talk to them without sounding stupid?” “How can I be more attractive?” “Just what are women looking for in a man?”

First, I want to assure all of you that you’re just fine. Please believe that. Remember the mantra here at Dr. J’s: We’re all different, and that's OK. You are unique and wonderful, whether you’re shy, outgoing, suave, scared, whatever. Now you may have a few things you’d like to work on to be an even more Incredible You, and that’s where I come in.

News Flash: I’m going to share the biggest sex secret in the universe, the fullproof way to make yourself irresistible to women:

Go to most gatherings and you’ll find a guy surrounded by women of all ages—smiling, flirting, happy women. This lucky man likes women as people. That’s right! He thinks women are interesting in their own right and doesn’t see them merely as potential sex partners. In fact, he even has women friends! Gasp! Think about it: many men have sex with women, but they don’t necessarily like them. Their social time is spent with other guys, doing guy-type things. They don’t have women friends because they’re not interested.

Women gravitate to men who like them as people. We think they’re interesting and sexy, and they make us feel good! If you develop an appreciation for women separate from their sexual attractiveness, you’re on your way to becoming a great guy—and catnip to women. Of course, the first step in this process is examining your own attitudes about women. Cheer up! You’ll learn lots.

And here’s another tip: most of us are totally turned off by men who are super-aggressive, like the guy who offers to buy you a drink, then won’t take no for an answer. Yuck! Don’t be that guy.

Stay tuned next week for Part 2: Appearance does matter.

As always, the Doc. is in for your questions and comments.

With Pleasure,

Dr. J
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