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I wish and expect my wife of 10 years to be more affectionate

Posted May 06 2009 1:32pm

Dear Dr. Romance

Here goes, I wish and expect my wife of 10 years to be more affectionate, simple enough? Yet we have talked and have had fights over this many times, we are soul mates so I don' t want to go through life thinking "this is as good as it gets and except it". We love each other but I want more, it seems we both deserve better. There is a ferocious circle that includes job, health, my home town, kids, my anger, her indifference, all sorts of things. We know the root of our problem but it repeats its self over and over.   

 We are moving from my home town to her home state. Banking on this we hope to solve our problems but I think our troubles are so engraved it might follow us. This is not about sex although I would like to share it more often. All I want is more hugs and kisses and not to be taken for granted. 
Dr. Romance responds

This isn' t much information, but how do you expect to get more affection by fighting?  Perhaps
the two of you need to learn to talk more constructively.  Most couples' problems do repeat, because they can' t get far enough away from blaming to solve the problem.  My book, Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your MarriageMoneySexKids galley cover

Try listening to your wife, and what she wants, and try to work with her to make that happen, instead of competing with her about whose wants are more important.  Read my article: " Couples Can Cooperate for Success"  Moving will not solve anything; changing what you' re doing will solve everything.  If you can use this move as an opportunity to change your interaction with each other, you' ll be successful, no matter where you live.

You need to understand what the incentive is for her to be affectionate.  What does she want? Can you make an agreement?

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