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I'm with my boyfriend since 2 years. I'm only 17 but I know I love him and want to spend my whole

Posted Sep 04 2008 2:54am
Maybe you'd remember that a lasting relationship is something you have to build-up together. Moreover it requires some elements seemingly difficult for you to find :
* a deep trust;
* sharing (fields of interest, same tastes, activities, objectives, similar values, etc;
* frank and daily genuine communication.
In other words, the physical attraction alone is never sufficient to reach a fulfilling relationship. Neither the unconditional love ... of one partner only.
He is "more and more distant towards you"? Maybe he doesn't want to commit any more? Maybe he could suffer from a certain routine, a form of habit? Maybe was he somewhat... charmed by anybody else (even innocently)? (This can occur to everybody you know. You can't command that kind of things.)
One of your questions needs to be qualified :"Shouldn't he do his best to make me happy?"
Indeed. But in the frame of reciprocity. Each of you has to distrust any one-way action, - it's a dangerous source of frustrations.
Hence, instead making him feel guilty with your reproaches, (even if he deserves them) it would be wiser in my eyes to ask yourself some questions :
- "Did I express my tenderness to him enough?";
- "Am I available enough and really open to a genuine dialogue?";
- "Do I tell him enough how much I appreciate his presence by my side? How much our relationship is precious to me??"
- "Do I frequently think to valorize him too? Or do I have more reproaches or recriminations for him than compliments?"
- "Do I think often enough to have some small attentions for him; to reply to his expectations, to his wishes?"
-" Are we doing enough things together? Like activities which interest and/or entertain both of us? (A sport, a hobby, a commitment...)
It should be very profitable for both to ask that kind of questions to each other in the frame of a friendly conversation, a kind of 'tuning' of your relationship.
Obviously, I hear you from here :'We each need to show some goodwill in order to have a serious conversation; but he became so distant!"
Couldn't you try to persuade him with your most charming smile? Because, you see, making him feel guilty is inefficient. On the opposite, you both need to ask your own questions and listen to the answers with a genuine empathy (=putting yourselves at other's place).
Reading you message, Cindy, I think you'd both find a precious help... in reading my book. It will bring you a large series of concrete ideas to solve the problems you're going through (now and later). It will help you to avoid many errors you're not even conscious of, - at 17.
To build a successful relationship, you need to want it both of you; if your friend denies committing, seems distant, it's necessary for you to understand the origin of your impression. If (pure hypothesis) you'd feel that his love is not so sure any more, don't hold on to him at any price! You'd suffer still more.
Everybody has unhappy love affair(s); it's very painful but you'd recover from it. And a bad luck could lead to a new happiness, - sometimes still deeper that the first one.
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