I'm in my early twenties, and I've read a couple of your books and think they are awesome, but I'm just writing to you today because I'm getting frustrated and fed up with dating and don't really have a good attitude about it as of late...I realize that I have plenty of time to find someone to share my life with, but I'm beginning to wonder if that will ever happen. It seems like every guy I date doesn't want a relationship, or they just want sex, or they they simply don't know what they want. I've talked to other gay people I know and most of them seem to just accept that this is how gay life is...I have never met a single gay person who has stayed in a relationship for more than maybe three years, and that sort of worries me because I want someone that I can spend the rest of my life with but judging from the examples I've seen, I'm not to optimistic about it at this point in my life. Forgive me if this is a stupid question to ask, but I guess what I want to know is, is it really possible for gay relationships to last? Or is that not really realistic? Is it just the nature of the beast? I'm hoping that you might be able to provide me with some positive words, because I'm sure you've seen what's possible and not possible with your extensive experience.
Dr. Romance responds:
Thank you for the kind words, I hope the books have been helpful. Women have been complaining for centuries that all men want is sex, and it's not much different in gay relationships. Commitment is getting more difficult for everyone these days. We live in an instant gratification culture, and relationships take time to develop. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but if you can hold off on having sex until you develop a connection, you'll have a better chance of developing a relationship. Asking a new man if he wants a relationship is a mistake. He will feel that you're asking for a commitment before he even knows you. Give the relationship a chance -- spend some time together, and gradually let him know how you feel about commitment. There are no guarantees in the beginning -- you have to take your chances. But, if you meet someone who is fun to spend time with, who has some things in common with you, and with whom you can laugh, just enjoy your time, and don't rush. Sex right away is too easy, and allows him to see you as an object of gratification, rather than an enjoyable companion. If you're the most fun guys each of you spends time with, a reason for commitment will develop. If you have Gay Relationships: How to Find Them, How to Improve Them, How to Make Them Lastplease re-read the section on "from dating to commitment" for more details on how to create a lasting connection.