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I have lost the umph for even planning the wedding

Posted May 06 2009 1:32pm

I heard you on the radio. I am getting married in June to someone I know for 3 years and lived with. He is now in Iraq and has been since last May. This is my 3rd marriage and I feel like my eyes are wide open now and I know what I want. I was very excited in December when he came home and we got engaged. Now I have lost the umph for even planning the wedding. I just feel very undecided now. Can u help me ? I am very, very happy though with myself. I have experienced self discovery at age 40 and now I am so very happy. I guess I wonder if I will still be this happy when I get married because I was not here psychologically when he was here.

Dr. Romance Replies:

Everyone has doubts before marriage, and especially with such a long distance relationship (there's a lot of help for long-distance relationships in my next book The Commuter Marriage which is coming out in June.) Commuter_marriage_cover_iijpg

I'm so glad you have discovered yourself. I can guarantee you that your marriage will not be perfect, and it will take work. That is true of all marriages. But, if you and your fiance' can talk openly, work out problems together, and come to mutually agreeable decisions, you'll be fine.

Both of you have gone through a lot of change and growth this year. That's one of the benefits of being separated. You need to talk about that, and find out how he's changed, too. During the course of a long, happy marriage there will be many changes, also. Today you are creating patterns you will likely follow for many years. Learn to handle change and you'll be fine.

My latest book, Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media, 2008) ISBN:1_59869_325_5 Moneysexkids_galley_cover

will help you decide whether you and your partner are ready for marriage, and reading it will encourage you and get your energy back up for planning the wedding. 

Being married to a wonderful partner for more than 25 years, I know that marriage is well worth what it takes to make it work.  I wish you both all the best of luck, success and happiness.

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