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i can't shut the voice in my head

Posted May 06 2009 1:32pm

i have just read your article that appeared on yahoo today on the issue of having an older partner.

First let me thank you for bringing up such topic, as it has been considered for a long time as a classified one. second, i have some questions that i need clarify for once and for all.

I have a girlfriend, we have been together for more than 4 years. the only (don' t worry i won' t say problem) thing that keeps haunting me is that she is older than me. i mean 1 year older that s it. You may ask what' s the problem, look at those couples with more than 10 years difference! i know but what we have here, is real emotions and a promising future to build together. i mean we are still young and i don t want to end like those people who at a certain point in their life they begin to wonder if they have made the right choices...i mean from what i heard, let' s say, relatives and friends, that at a certain age in our life time as a couple, the woman, she, by nature' s law, will undergo the ageing process faster than the male. Besides some friends of mine, who got married with older wives, have a constant fight and struggle over issues like who is on control, who is on charge etc.

let me be honest with you, i am not a macho kind of guy ( not 100% macho at least), but what worries me is that, i have been told that when my future wife will get older,she won' t be able to take care of you, i mean generally in movies or in a real life (i m not macho remember) the wife always looks after her ageing husband, i mean we, the guys, we' d like to have a woman by our side. please let me clarify my point of view, i m not saying that women should do this as part of their duties, i m being careful here, because considering the tone of your article i will automatically anticipate your reaction: i can feel your anger and disappointment.

i believe, however, that, being the man, i should provide my wife with everything she needs (as long as i can afford it) and she should do the same for me, so what if she can' t do it anymore? what if after giving birth, and being a working mum, etc. she will look 100 years older than me? so the implicit question here, is it true that women get older faster than men?

finally let me tell you a little secret. do you know why i m writing to you instead of speaking to somebody else? it is because of your article, i could easily detect from your tone, that you are more flexible than the others. i mean i stopped asking these questions (not because i found the answers ) because when the ones i asked couldn' t answer me, they simply reply: OH OK, GO AND GET ANOTHER SUPER YOUNGER GIRL. i mean no, i love my girlfriend, and she is the one for me, but i can' t shut the voice in my head, telling me to think twice, and to not let my heart decide what is for my mind to do.

Dr. Romance replies: Please think more clearly about this. You and your girlfriend are both young, there are many years ahead of you. I think it is foolish to worry so much about the future. There is no way to plan for what will happen. You may age faster than she, you may not even survive. Life is unpredictable. Think more about how you can create a loving, caring partnership, and less about whether she will "meet your needs" in 30 years. Read my article "Stupid Cupid" for what it takes to make a relationship successful.

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