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I’m Not That Woman. An Ode For Every Woman Who Has Loved, Lost and Forgotten Her Value

Posted Nov 24 2010 1:34pm
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Set your own standards and determine your own value. It doesn’t matter what everyone else does – it matters what you do. If everyone else has done it and it’s not exactly worked out for them, why repeat their relationship insanity? It’s not about what other people are comfortable doing – it’s about what you’re comfortable doing and a lot of women spend their time doing stuff they’re uncomfortable with because they’re afraid that if they don’t, they’ll ‘lose’. You’re losing anyway. Never make it easy for someone not to have come up with the basics of love, care, trust, and respect in a relationship….you’re not that woman.

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I don’t care if one thousand women have gone before me and they’ve all had sex with you on the first night or whenever you chanced your arm for it – I’m not those women.

I have sex when I feel comfortable and if that time happens to be when I feel more confident about where I stand with you and the values, qualities, characteristics that you possess, you’ll have to deal with it, or go back and have sex with one of the women that make it easier for you.

I don’t care if you’re used to corresponding by texts and emails and every other woman has put up with it – I’m not those women.

I don’t care if you’re used to disappearing and then coming back with little or no hassle. If you disappear on me, you’d better stay disappeared!

I don’t care if your ex didn’t mind if you wouldn’t hold her hand in public and didn’t mind that you’re not affectionate – I do mind.

I don’t care if all the other women let you date and shag them all at the same time. I’m not those women!

I don’t care if you’re used to getting a shag, an ego stroke, and a shoulder to lean on with minimal contribution into a relationship. I deserve more than crumbs.

I don’t care if ‘other women’ are more compliant and don’t expect you to be a decent guy in a decent relationship. I’m not those women.

I don’t care if every woman has been sympathetic to your commitment fears and let you coast through those relationships claiming that you’re scared and you need time. I’m not those women.

I don’t care if you’re used to getting your own way and having things on your own terms. I’m a person of value who is an equal party to this relationship.

I don’t care if every other woman let you go bareback because it feels good – strap up or piss off!

I don’t care if you’re used to dodging responsibility and accountability and blaming whoever you’re involved with for your thoughtless actions. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if all the women you’ve been with have waited around for you to make up your mind while you reject them time and again. I’m not those women.

I don’t care if your ex let you do X,Y, Z. I’m not her. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women have let you have sex with them when you have demonstrated or even said you’re not interested in them/don’t want a relationship. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women when you’ve told them you don’t want a relationship with them have gone into overdrive trying to prove themselves to you so that you make them the exception. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re used to being with a woman who thinks you’re the centre of the universe and the only source of her happiness – I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re used to being with a woman with low self-esteem that let’s you control the relationship and define her – I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re used to pressing The Reset Button and acting like nothing has happened and getting away with it. I’m not that woman. I will remember.

I don’t care if you’re used to controlling someone’s every move – I’m not that woman. Don’t even try it.

I don’t care if other women have believed you when you said you wouldn’t lay a hand on them again – I’m not that woman. I’m not taking my chances.

I don’t care if every other woman felt sympathetic to your One Time in Bandcamp tales of woe and excused all your dodgy behaviour – I am most definitely not that woman.

I don’t care if every other woman has put you on the deeds of her house or given you access to her bank account. I am not that woman. Are you crazy?

I don’t care if you’re used to having virtual sex and sending nude pics to women you met a hot minute ago on a dating site – I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women don’t mind if you’re married/attached – I do. You should.

I don’t care if other women let you call them up late at night and let you come round for sex – I’m not those women.

I don’t care if you’re used to women competing for you, fighting in the street and getting into all sorts of craziness. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women have been prepared to ‘go with the flow’ when there is no flow or you’ve been flowing backwards. I’m not those women. I am entitled to be with someone who is not afraid to see a future with me.

I don’t care if you’re used to playing a cat and mouse game. I’m not that woman. You’re either in or you’re out.

I don’t care if you’re used to having your lame excuses like my cat was stuck up a tree/battery not working/The Busiest Week Ever/I lost your number etc accepted. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if your mother and every other woman you’ve been with has let you do as you please – I’m not that woman.

And….

I don’t care if you’re upset because I won’t let you mess around with my head and my emotions now that we’ve broken up. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re upset because I won’t be your friend now that I’ve got tired of you rejecting me for the umpteenth time. I used to be that woman but now I’m not.

I don’t care if all your exes let you call them up and use them for a shag, an ego stroke, a shoulder to lean on, money, whatever. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re worried about what everyone will think of you now that a ‘good woman’ has left you. I’m worrying about myself.

I don’t care if the last time we broke up I let you call me up, sleep with me etc. I used to be that woman but I’m not anymore.

I don’t care if other women let you force your version of the truth on them. I’m not that woman and I make up my mind about my truth.

I don’t care if you’ve just separated or divorced and are looking to try on a new relationship for size. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you just broke up with your ex and are looking for a Fallback Girl to be a buffer and let you treat her like an option so you can avoid the pain of your breakup. I’m not that woman. I’m not your emotional airbag.

I don’t care if other women think that guys like you are the best they can do. I’m not that woman. You’re not the man for me.

I don’t care if me having boundaries and treating myself with love, care, trust, and respect writes me off from being with you. If being with and loving you means I can’t love me, I’ll choose me. Other women might be prepared to let you bust up their boundaries, but you guessed it…I’m not that woman.

I know it’s not easy out there but I know what I’ve experienced and to continue to carry the same baggage, beliefs, and attitudes and choose the same people different package and expect different results would be relationship insanity. Others may not be ready to get off the merry-go-round…but I’m not that woman.

Your thoughts?

Check out my ebooks the No Contact Rule and Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl and more in my bookshop .

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