How to Have Sex on an Airplane and Join the Mile High Club
Posted Oct 15 2008 7:18am
Flying can be a so-so affair. It’s pretty much the same event. The destination or meal might change, but in the end, it’s all the same.
Adding a little sexual activity to your flight might seem like an ideal way to pass the time, but convincing your lady it’s a good idea might be the first, and most difficult, challenge to overcome on your way to joining the popular ‘Mile High Club’.
How can you convince her that having sex on an airplane will be fun, exciting, and worth the risk (yes, it IS illegal to have sex in an airplane so do proceed at your own risk!) and possible discomfort?
Convincing your woman to have sex on an airplane is as simple as addressing her concerns, promising to deliver and knowing the limitations. Let’s look at each of these in detail.
What To Do Before You Board The Plane
If your woman is closed off to the idea of having sex on a plane, be sure you understand her concerns. If you can, start before you even board the plane. Tell her that you’re goal is simply to "spice up" your sex lives and that you have no underlying wish to end up in jail.
You already know her threshold for adventure. If she’s pretty adventurous, you already have an "in". If she’s not, ask her what her concerns are. Let’s look at some common concerns, and what to do about it:
Concern #1: She’s Afraid Of Getting Caught
She’s afraid you’ll be found out. Tell her that airplane sex is common. It happens more than you realize. In fact, it might have happened near her on a flight. She just didn’t know. Besides, there are many things you can do to prevent being caught.
You can head to the bathroom and do the deed there (we’ll look at this in a bit).
You can limit your sexual activities so they’re not so obvious.
You can save the activity for a red eye, or late night flight when people are asleep.
Concern #2: She’s Too Embarrassed To Do It
Again, if nobody knows, what’s there to be embarrassed about? You can tell her that the two of you can simply hold hands, and kiss a little. Then you can move onto more intimate activities. Only if she feels comfortable will you move on even more. You might suggest she order wine or another drink to help her relax.
Concern #3: She’s Too Shy
She has a general objection to PDAs (public displays of affection). In this case, maybe she’s never thought of herself as the "wild and adventurous" kind of girl. Let her get it in her head and mull it over a bit first. She may soon realize that she’s more interested than she thought she ever would be.
Whatever her concerns are, be certain to reassure her that you won’t do anything that violates appropriate behavior given the circumstances. Tell her that you’ll respect decorum. No matter how excited you are about the possibility of joining that elusive Mile High Club, tell her that you will be discreet, quiet and controlled.
Finally… Let her know that if a problem arises, you’ll take the blame, admit fault, do whatever you have to do to protect her. Once you have reassured your woman that you have a plan, that it will be fun, and that you’ll be the fall guy if you have to, you will likely succeed in convincing her to get busy with you at 30,000 feet.
Ideally, the above discussions should take place before you board the plane or before your trip. However, if you’re already onboard when it occurred to you to see if she’s interested in some " above the skies action ", simply discuss it with her…but respect her concerns.
You can have a low, quiet conversation about things while on the plane. (Tip: Make sure it’s a long fight, so there is time to convince her!)
Now, let’s say you’ve convinced her. Great! Now what? Follow these tips to make your airplane sex fantasy come true.
Get An Aisle Seat
Make sure one of you has an aisle seat. In some cases, you can choose your seat after you buy your ticket. I always select an aisle seat. Nothing is worse than having to crawl over people to head to the bathroom to complete the deed. If one of you is on the aisle, you have an easy way to get to the bathroom with a minimum of fuss.
Do It At The Right Time
Go to the bathroom at times that are not busy. This might include meal or snack service, or right before the captain says it’s OK to move about the cabin. (This is when the flight attendants begin getting ready for service but before us regular folk are told it’s fine to start walking around.)
Quick Wipe Down
When you get to the bathroom, try and wipe down any surfaces that might need wiping; if you have any sanitized wipes, even those designed for hands, use them. Then proceed with your hot and illicit lovemaking!
Tell your woman that you’ll make sure she’s good and ready (perhaps some dirty talk beforehand in your seats, or even a little bit of subtle foreplay?) so things go well for her and not just you.
Make It Quick and Quiet
Be prepared for a quiet quickie. This isn’t the time to try out new positions or have all night honeymoon-sex where you moan at the top of your lungs. It’s the time to have fun quickly, quietly and, let’s face it, be proud of the accomplishment.
Another reason to make it quick and quiet is other people may be waiting to use the lavatory. If they’re standing outside waiting for you two to finish, and they hear some familiar sounds that shouldn’t be heard on board an aircraft, it may give them some suspicion about what you’re doing in there…
How To Exit The Lavatory After Sex
Finally, when it’s time to leave the bathroom, do it in a subtle way. If someone sees you leaving together, say that one of you (decide who ahead of time) was sick and the other was there for comfort and support. (Hey, it will be hard for anyone to prove otherwise.)