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How to Change Your Thinking on Marriage

Posted Aug 24 2008 6:16pm
 This is the first post in a series of guest posts from different female bloggers around the net. 

The ideas for these posts sprang from the question, "What do wives wish good husbands

knew?" This post is by Glorybeam, author of the blog, " Why I Love My Husband ."



“You never…” (take me out; compliment me; help with the

housework, etc.)



“You always…” (go out with your friends; put me down; make a

mess, etc.)



Without realizing it, I had fallen into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking. I had a negative perspective, filled with

pessimistic thoughts, towards my relationship with my husband, and towards life. I was caught in a

downward spiral of depression.



Alaska is a land of extremes — severe cold and darkness throughout much of the year, and endless

daylight for a short summer. Long, dreary, dark, winter days play havoc on the minds of people;

alcoholism, depression, and suicide are rampant.



I came to Alaska , knowing that I struggled with depression. My father, a minister, had been diagnosed

with severe clinical depression, and died at age 48, ending a life of pain and disability. I grew up

reading my father’s counseling books, and going to counseling. I had met my husband, a future minister,

at Bible School, and together we ministered to others. With fifteen years of marriage and ministry

behind us, we knew that a calling to Alaska , “ The Final Frontier ,” would be no easy task.



Going into our third winter, I rapidly descended into the vortex of depression. I sought help from

every direction, from the medical profession, psychological counseling, behavioral coaching, and

spiritual intervention. I believe that healing came because of my intense motivation for relief, along

with treatment from professionals, and most of all, the attribution of God’s Divine power

to change and heal. I also believe that one powerful tool was deeply effective in healing not only my

mind but also my marriage.



As I was browsing the web, I came across a blog one day, called “Why I hate my husband.”

My jaw dropped, as I read the daily rants about the stupidity and crassness of the man this woman

had (willingly?) married. What a sad story! Yet, just that morning I had been thinking negatively about

my own relationship with my husband. I decided, then and there, to put into action a thought I had about

focusing on the good things.



I have always written letters in journal-form, to God, to people I was angry with or offended by, and mostly,

to my husband. Before we were married, I had compiled a notebook full of letters, never sent. It was

good therapy. So, I set about to start another notebook, online — a journal for the world to read. But this

time I planned to force myself to write about 100 reasons why I love my husband.



Before I was even one-third of the way through my goal, an amazing thing happened. I started to love my

husband even more! It was quite evident to my husband, of course, and he was most thankful for the

transformation. He started telling our friends about my blog. Only then did I realize how powerful and

instrumental my blog had been in changing my perspective. It was good therapy!
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