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How do you stop loving someone you're friends with?

Posted by Blayde

I've known this guy for 9 years. We've dated a couple times and stayed friends after but I guess my feelings never fully went away. With everything we've been through together, somewhere along the line I fell in love. I know we won't date again (we're just too different...) but I still want to be able to have him in my life even as a friend. So how do you stop loving someone without cutting them out of your life?... :(
Answers (2)
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That's definitely tough to do. I'm sure it is possible to get over someone without cutting them out of your life, however, I feel like you cannot get over someone unless you cut them out of your life for a good amount of time to see how independent and well off you are.

I'm not sure one can, in an instant, transform romantic attraction into platonic friendship.  Our bodies and minds don't quite work this way.

There are two strong influences that make you 'fall in love'.

1. Chemical attraction: The body is bombarded with an erotic cocktail of dopamine, serotonin, testosterone. estrogen (women) and other secretions that cause the 'feeling' of love.

2. Attachment: We develop a mental perception of desire and need that draws us to and causes us to prefer a particular individual.  We imagine ourselves with them and, soon, our images of every tomorrow includes them with us.  This experience of attachment can be strong.  At its strongest, it conspires with chemical love to create a deep (often one-sided) bond that makes it difficult for us to think straight sometimes.  Right?

The answer may be time and separation.  We kid ourselves to think we can 'turn love off'.  We can no more do that than think ourselves one inch taller.  Refocus your mind and energies on other friendships and familiar relationships.  The best course of action is to be straightforward with him about your feelings, the fact that you acknowledge you could have no romantic future and your need to move forward in your heart and mind.  If he truly cares for you, he will accept and understand what you are saying...and why.

NOTICE: The information provided on this site is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on Wellsphere. If you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately.
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