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How do you heal after a long term relasonship?


Posted by elissa

I was in a long term relasonship for almost 10 years.Before that I was married for six years to an addict.I have one 12 year old daughter from my marriage.I was young when I met my daughters father,Eveyone loved him from the start.He seemed so put together and smart if I had only knew the rest of the city knew he got high.I wish someone would have warned me,But I didnt go around his crowd I was almost ten years younger then him.I never seen the signs in the begaining,I thought he just liked a beer or two to watch the game,Then he would always have a need to run to the store,He always forgot something,Needed something.After awhile I thought he might have been seeing someone eles on the side,Never did I suspect DRUGS!By the time he dropped the news on me I had been feeling really sick and thats where my daughter comes in.He put himself away,Got clean for awhile we were in church and was pressed to marry.He relapsed more then I can count,It was a very sad and lonely period in my life.Its not something you really share with people when your going through it.But when I went beyond giveing my all and he sucked everything out of me,I made him leave!Hes been 95 percent a deadbeat father ever since.But after him I thought I was moveing on and got invoved with someone I ended up being with for the almost 10 years.When I look back now,I dont know what I was doing,But he was there and somehow I feel for him.It wasnt what I should of let last for 10 years,It was on and off again more then a ride at the carnival.He always claimed to love us and he did help raise my daughter,But we were from two differant worids.I was more relaxed in our relasonship,He always thought the grass was greener one the other side.He was very hard headed and always learned the hard way.But then there was this side of him that got us through some hard times and helped heal us back to health if we were sick,He filled in spots that my daughters father never could.But he always would do something to mess it up.Ive been heart broken so many times that it only makes me wonder why?So many wasted years and good times to sadly say goodbye to,  .Iam the type that gives 110 percent and I think he took that for granted,I need to trie and heal me,But how?Ive gone through books on men who cant love,men who need an escape and then they return.But what about me?Iam not gonna sit around and let him live his life and think Ill be the great women waiting quietly.Please help me out somehow?Willing to take any advice?Healing myself from years of let downs and dont know where to turn.
 
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