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How do I deal with honesty? I have all the honesty in the world but it seems he lies over and over

Posted Sep 04 2008 2:05am
I understand quite well what you mean - and feel. Maybe his attitude comes from childhood's problems and wounds. So many children learn to lie because they're afraid to be 'caught': they feel to always facing injustice and then they "can't obey". For them, it's then normal to always find some excuses, to continuously disguise the truth, - even for not important things.
Later, if they haven't reached a normal adult maturity, this habit continues.
Anyway, why don't you talk about that with him? Seriously but calmly, without reproaches : just telling him how you're suffering from this attitude.
Another explanation obviously could be that he really has something to hide to you... It's why a "responsible" discussion between the two of you is so much important. (But I strongly suggest that you avoid any raising in your voice's tone. ;-) )
Indeed, a healthy relationship can't be built and can't last without trust. If he doesn't understand such an evidence, you could face some hard years in front of you.
The question is : does he love you as well as you love him?? Or does his 'love' appear above all to be a... physical desire?
Does he show you - and prove you - some genuine feelings, such as tenderness, small attentions, concerns about you and your daily life, solidarity facing various decisions or chores, etc, etc.?
Maybe a reflection and a (calm) discussion about these subjects could be fruitful.
A last suggestion for you today, Stephanie, is to share much more with him: doing some activities (sports, hobby, ...), with him, trying to spend more time together - for interesting things as well as for entertainments.
When the partners are communicating and sharing, half of the way down to a better love life is done!
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