Before all the women reading this blog get their panties in a knot thinking I am anti-Valentine’s Day by saying “Happy Hallmark Day,” let me make one thing clear . . . you’re 100% correct! I am anti-Valentine’s Day.
What’s So Special About February 14th?
I for one believe that you don’t need a special day in the middle of February (or a little past the middle with there being 29 days in February this year) to celebrate your relationship and your love. . . or to give that microchip-sized diamond pendant from Kay Jewelers. Half of you are still paying off the bills you incurred at Christmas telling your sweetheart you love them.
I personally think that Valentine’s Day should be moved to April 14th – the day before tax day. Think about the headline: “Stressed out having to send the government $20,000.00 tomorrow? Celebrate today by going to Kay Jewelers and buying a microchip-sized diamond pendant!”
Not only that, I can already see the marketing campaign. Somehow Kay Jewelers and the IRS will get together and write it off. “If you buy the microchip pendant now, you can write it off on your 2007 tax return.” I know no one is going to pass that law, though, so let’s get back to my love of Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day — Old School Style
Do you know when I loved Valentine’s Day? I loved it when I was a kid and I got to go to school with my box of Valentine’s cards to give to everyone. You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones where the whole box costs about $2.00 and contains little cards that say “Be My Valentine” coming out of Snoopy’s mouth.
You also got to hand out those disgusting heart-shaped candies that tasted like fourteen year old Tums. You remember those, right? The ones where you give them to someone, and as they eat them dust comes out of their mouth when they tell you “At least I won’t have heartburn this Valentine’s Day!” Tums really should start to put slogans on their little chalky tablets that say things like “Be Acid Free,” I like No Acid,” “Care To Swap Some Stomach Acid?” or “My Heartburn Burns For You!”
Those chalky colored heart candies had sayings on them like “Melt My Heart,” Puppy Love,” “Kiss Me,” “Sweet Talk” and the classic “Get My Drift.” I remember they made a special one based on an episode of “Happy Days” where the Fonz handed ones out that said (misspelled) “You’re the ginchiest.”
Anyway, it was really fun to go into your classroom and give out 50 valentines and bags of bad candy. That was a fun Valentine’s time.
Now what do we do on Valentine’s Day? You have to make reservations at a restaurant where they double the price of same food they serve every other day. Even McDonald’s bumps up the price (and the cholesterol count) for Valentine’s Day.