From the My Bedroom Blog archives…Et tu, Brute? ( even you Brutus?)
Posted Mar 04 2009 2:21pm
Do you ever wish there was a restore button on events or conversations?
You know- like you have on your computer. Your computer crashes or acts freaky and you just go back to the day before the crash or the freakiness and bam!
You are back to “normal” function…
Don’t you wish relationships were that easy to wipe up, wipe out or fix?
I have had a tough week…
No- I don’t want the violins out and playing along with my sad rant here… But it has been.
I have been working hard on five different projects and realizing when 10 pm rolls around that I have been up since 7 am and have only done one thing other than work- have my Starbucks fix.
It is crack in a cup by the way… I am convinced of it. Why else would I pay over five dollars for a- quad, extra hot soy mocha???
The weeks before this- same thing… just a little less hectic being that I only had two things on my plate.
So when I had the opportunity to go for drinks with my little from a distance crush- I dove in.
Head first? Feet first? I have no idea… I just know that from head to toe I was in…
Now imagine this- imagine you haven’t eaten in weeks and someone places a piping hot pizza in front of you… what do you think you would do?
You would see some indulgence- some throwing caution to the wind. You might see some ignoring any voice of reason or consequences that might incur from your little binge.
So, if I had a restore button when would I have pushed it?
Would it be when I got in the car with him and we started driving and it came up what he did for a living?
It is nothing bad, I just know there is a stereo type that goes along with it and that was the first little alarm going off in my head…
But I think that might have been too soon to push restore.
Being he looked so cute, and I was feeling happy and ready to breathe- to let it all go- to get to know this person I had wanted to talk to from the first moment of laying eyes on him.
Would I have pushed the restore button when we are well into our night and flirting and enjoying the awkward nervousness that comes along with attraction only to find out he was a decade younger than me?
Or how about after the sexual tension is so thick people around are choking on it- only to find out he has been dating the same girl for five years???
YES! That is probably when I should have politely asked if he was ready to leave, thanked him for the evening and walked away…
But where the freak is that restore button when you are two wines down and so utterly stimulated by this person you are exchanging energy with that he could tell you his idea is to eat you alive and you act as if that is a plan?!!
Why is it that all the sudden the button of reasoning is so far back the other way and there you are- teetering on the edge of the rabbit hole- 90% of you wishing you would fall?
The other 10% is the idiot scampering around in your head trying to find that damn restore button!!!
I knew this- but I was like a person who was creating a menu in her head of let’s say- a five day love festival- I turned off the alarms- the flashing lights- and the megaphone in my head saying WALK AWAY NOW!
That’s right ladies and gents- I beat a dead horse…
ET tu, Brute??? (Even you Brutus?)
In case you don’t know -that is a quote from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar- coming to mean the ultimate betrayal by ones closest friend… in this case, myself…
So yes, even people who study and write all this crap for a living sometimes don’t pass the test the first time…
I guess the moral of this story is- that no matter what an outcome may be- there is always a little treasure hidden underneath that will add to your wisdom and worth- not take away from it.
And that is the beauty of connecting with people through this journey we find ourselves on…