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Friend Zone Damage Control

Posted Mar 09 2011 6:00pm

When dating, beware of the “ Friend Zone ” – we have all been in it, and it sucks. Despite all the glorious positions you can be in with a women, there is one that no man wants to be in. When placed in it by a woman, you lose all romantic interest in her eyes. You become a sexual non-entity with the arousing powers of her own brother, or a lampshade. Once you’re there, she’s not going to be interested in dating you.

As you gain more experience with women, you will find yourself in the friend zone less and less and will learn many ways to preemptively stop yourself from winding up in it. However, that is not what I am going to get into with this article. Instead I am going to share some ways that you can remove yourself once being placed in it.

The first step to getting out of the friend zone is that you have to be willing to lose her completely. One thing I have learned in my years managing relationships with women is that two people who are platonic don’t sleep with each other. You will not be able to go after her if you are afraid to lose her, doing so will only plant you deeper in it. So what’s the most important step?

One of the main reasons you probably got placed in the friend zone in the first place (instead of dating her) is because you made yourself overly available. You constantly made plans to hang out with her without making a move. The longer you hang out with a girl without hooking up , the higher the chance you will be placed in it. So what do you do? Get away from her. Distance yourself and for a little bit stop making an effort to hang out with her. If she is a real “friend” she should be making an effort to hang out with you. You’re soon going to realize that she probably won’t be setting up a time to hang out anytime soon.

As time goes by she will become in touch with you. If not, you can slowly re-engage but this time with a different approach. For example, do not be her therapist . Do not give her advice for how to deal with her problems. If you need listen, only do so mockingly. You are no longer a shoulder to cry on and have no need to feel sorry for her problems. She is a big girl, she will figure it out.

In the mean time you should be talking to or dating other girls. Not to make her jealous, but to create other opportunity for yourself. Only once you have emotionally removed yourself from the girl you are in the friend zone with, will she start chasing you. Also, this is a great time to work on staying out of it with new girls.

Time is beneficial to you here and use it to your advantage. I’m talking about going months without being in touch. It may seem harsh but if you want her that bad, this is what it takes.

After making yourself scarce to her you have opened up a window to change the frame of the relationship. Start sending her mixed signals by escalating touch and showing interest in dating her. Do not be afraid to start flirting with her. You have not talked to her for a while, you want to come back seeming like a different, more sexual person.

You want to be coming from the mindset that you want her, but it does not matter if you get her. Remember, you can’t be afraid to lose her. In fact if you are doing any of this to just try and “get her,” it is not going to work. Stop trying to get her. It may take a few months to get out of the mindset where you are trying to be the guy for her, but only then will you be able to start dating her. And at that point it is up to you to decide if you really want her.

If you honestly have a strong friendship with a girl and you really don’t want to ruin it with dating, then you need to accept you will never hook up with her. But you need to ask yourself, is your spending time with her just another hope for you to hook up out of some miracle, or is for your own enjoyment. Remember, people who are platonic don’t sleep together. But if they do, they can become friends that have sex .

  • You have to be willing to say no to her.
  • You can ask her advice about a girl you are seeing, but more importantly talk about the sexual aspect of it. Make her see you as a someone who enjoys sex .

If you are someone that finds yourself getting into the friend zone, say things along these lines when just getting to know a girl:

  • “I speak my mind and it can sometimes get me in trouble, but that’s just who I am.”
  • “Don’t play games cause you won’t be able to keep up with me; honesty is what I am attracted to.
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