I’m feeling rather frustrated with myself more than anything I suppose. My ex and I haven’t dated and many many years, but over the years we”ve tried to be “friends”. well since we’re both now married to other people, that didn’t work out too well, for him specifically. Needless to say after trying to maintain a friendship that probably never should have been in the first place he announced that he was no longer going to speak to me and since that time hasn’t. It’s been a year and a half since he’s spoken to me and it still hurts. On the one hand I feel like a horrible person because I deeply love my husband and would never trade what I have with him, but my relationship with my ex was very complex and complicated. Ironically one of my complaints was that he was never consistent with his feelings and actions towards me and now that he’s finally being consistent in his ignoring of me I find myself in a continuing spiral of anger and hurt. I broke down and emailed him after 10 months of staying strong, but once again got nothing in return. This ends up making me feel even weaker b/c of the strong resolve he seems to have about not talking to me. For me it’s proof that he doesn’t care anymore and has moved on, but I find myself not knowing what to do with that pain. I suppose it’s the closure I’ve needed for over a decade now, but I find myself fighting against the accpetanc of his final rejection. Can you help, am I just a hopeless case here who refuses to let go?
It’s true that you’re not accepting that it’s over. The pain you are feeling is the fact that you don’t want to acknowledge that it’s over and it’s been over for some time.
It’s time to accept the loss and go through the hurt and the anger and the whatever emotions you are going to feel from the grief process.
It’s over and it’s not coming back. You need to accept that and stop fighting it.
Pain is inevitable but misery is optional. You’re opting for misery because you’re not letting it go. You will go through pain but you need to work through it. As long as you fight it, you’re going to be miserable.