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Fear of Intimacy/Commitment Phobia

Posted Aug 24 2008 10:02pm
I've been accused of these syndromes over the years, by therapists and boyfriends, but I wonder -- where does being legitimately annoyed with your partner and not wanting to talk to them stop and fear of intimacy begin? Where does challenging your partner and not wanting to settle in a relationship stop and commitment phobia start?

I'm not sure if you can use the term commitment phobia when you are already married, but I feel like it's the proper description for what I've got.

In a nutshell, I don't think I allow myself to enjoy all of the good things about my husband because I focus on the parts of him that I'm not so enamored with and obsess over how to change them. This is precisely the kind of thing that my therapist called Fear of Commitment/Intimacy. Obsessing over the imperfections allows me to avoid really being "in" the relationship. It allows me to go on waiting until things are perfect until I really start being a 100% participant in the marriage.

I think this is true. But on the other hand, am I just supposed to smile all the time and act like nothing bothers me? How do I become engaged fully in the relationship without ignoring the parts that need work?
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