“I was so blinded to the fact that he’s too good to be true,” wrote Ann in her comment . “He may be perfect but only at times when we’re together, but when we’re not… he’s nowhere to be found.” To Ann, this guy is wonderful. No doubt he’s good looking, charming, and good in bed. Maybe he has a great job, maybe he’s smart. He’s probably not a guy with a criminal past, and maybe he donates to charity. All of that looks and sounds good, but it in no way translates to perfection as a man. Because there’s a huge missing piece in Ann’s assessment of the man she’s falling hard for: his treatment of her.
Here’s a guy who is using a woman for sex and companionship, bottom line. There are no declarations of love, no commitment, and he’s awol in between their dates. He leaves her in an emotionally off balance and insecure position, skips down the road, and possibly has other girlfriends as well. What a prince.
The real issue is Ann’s sense of self-worth. She, like many women today, has given the man she loves permission to come and go as he pleases, minus any emotional security as evidenced by a real commitment from the heart. Until recently, Ann didn’t know that she doesn’t have to settle for that kind of treatment.
Hopefully, Ann can release the fiction she’s created about this guy and face the reality: he’s a flawed human being who isn’t treating women the way he should. He needs to grow up and learn to make a real commitment, or to tell the truth and refrain from intimacy and sex with women he doesn’t love.
Maybe Ann will forward this blog to her “prince.” Maybe he’ll take it to heart and begin the real work of relationships: emotional intimacy, being transparent, telling the truth. Maybe out of this kind of open, honest interchange, this couple can find their way to something authentic, together or not.