Dealing with relationships is potentially stressful, especially if you focus on “feelings” like most people do. Feelings - happy, sad, angry, etc. - are a guidepost to tell us how we’re reacting to the situations in our lives. Notice them and learn from them, but don’t be seduced by them in relationships.
With certain partners, you may notice that you feel tremendously gratified while with that person, but how do you feel afterward? Are you left with peace of mind and heart over the long run? Or are your feelings of passion and love soon overtaken by anxiety and pain?
If feelings are your guide to choosing with whom to connect, make sure you’re using the right kinds of feelings as a guide. Passion, excitement, feeling carried away - while these feelings temporarily give you a lift, they are not enough. They may be a product of the altered brain chemistry everyone experiences during the enchantment stage of the relationship.
The real goal is consistent feelings of well being over time. Love, compassion, respect, peace of mind and heart - these kinds of feelings tell you that you are with someone who shares your values and who is treating you with dignity and respect. Pacing your relationship - putting off sex for a long, long time while you get to know someone - helps you come down from the high of fantasy, plant your feet on the ground, and discern if you are with the right kind of person.