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Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Posted Mar 18 2009 3:15pm

It’s enough to drive you crazy. There is this hottie—a Brad Pitt look-a-like you met online, in the office, sandwich shop or gym. He is to-die-for and seems to be friendly, but has very few words to share. And he never seems to put any moves on you. Yet you have such a thing for him! You keep checking his Facebook page, wondering what is up. What’s a girl to do?

Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Well, here are eight tips, adapted from my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, designed to bring that shy hottie out of his shell:

1. See him when he is in his element.
If he plays sports, go watch. Be there as he finishes a marathon. If he is giving a talk, try to arrange to be in the audience. When a shy guy is in his element he will be at the height of his charisma and self-confidence. Bottom line: he will be feeling empowered and desirable. And this means he will feel free to make a move on you if he is really interested.

2. Praise him.
Notice something about him or what he is doing that you really like and praise it with a specific and sincere compliment. –i.e., That blog you wrote about going to Sicily was hysterically funny and made me want to go! This builds his self-esteem and will get him to share more about the topic. Validation may even get him to show off a bit for you.

3. Use his name & make up a sizzlin’ nickname for him.
This indicates that you are noticing him and that he is important to you. He will bond more quickly with you when you use his name. Also, choose a complimentary nickname based on one of his qualities that you admire. For example, if he is into cycling, call him “Lance B.” This will get him to laugh and open up with you about his cycling experiences.

4. Ask open-ended questions.
Good examples are, “How did you get interested in (your job)?” “What brought you to live in the city?” “How do you manage to train for a triathlon when you work full-time?” These kinds of questions help a shy hottie to share and open up. And your being a good listener will allow him to feel known and comfortable being real with you.

5. Ask for help.
Men love to help women. It is biologically wired that way! Ask him to fix your computer, your car, your bike, your door—you name it. He will enjoy coming through for you and feel much more connected to you. When he is in the “helper” role he is also much more likely to share his knowledge with you.

6. Ask what he likes to eat or what sports, hobbies, or movies he likes. Once you find something in common, ask him if he’d like to do it some time.
Shy guys, even the gorgeous variety, can be very interested in you, but petrified to make the first move. It is easy to open the door to a common interest by asking about food, hobbies or other fun activities. When you hit on something you both love, you can make the first move and ask about doing the activity together. An invite based on a common interest is a good litmus test that will show if he is interested in you or not. If he does not take you up on your offer, chances are pretty high that he is not into you.

7. Say you’d like to see him again.
This is an easy, non-threatening way to show that you are interested in him. If he responds positively, by smiling, nodding or saying “yes” he may be feeling some attraction to you. At that point, make sure he has your contact information!

8. Give Him a Little Neck or Back Massage.
Making physical contact actually releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. A mini-massage also will relax him so that he’ll be less up-tight and fearful. In addition, making physical contact often opens the door for the guy to respond in kind. He might make an affectionate gesture towards you, hold your hand, put his arm around you or even kiss you.

Here’s the bottom line: with a shy hottie you have to be more proactive and flirtatious, take the lead more often and maybe even give the first kiss. Keep in mind, however, that he needs to be responding very positively to each of your moves. If he doesn’t, end the relationship, because you don’t want to be stuck in a fantasy where you are crazy about someone who is truly not into you. Remember, if this guy does not work out, there are plenty of others. Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific men in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

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