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Does he have the capacity for you?

Posted Mar 03 2013 8:57pm

I mean “capacity” in several ways.

  1. Does he have time in his life for you — the capacity to bring you into his life and the availability to be a part of your? Some people say they want a sweetie, but their life is already so full of work, kids, parents, friends, workouts, classes, etc., they really have no bandwidth for anything other than an occasional dinner and movie. They really don’t have the capacity for a relationship, let alone to explore one.

     

  2. Does he have the capability to understand you — the interest and intellect to understand your hopes, desires, likes, dislikes, etc? Or is he a dull blade not sharp enough to understand much beyond his own experience? Or is he narcissistic and could learn about you but chooses not to, instead staying focused on himself.  

I’ve had budding beaus fall into both categories of not enough capacity. They were not able to graduate to full-on beau status because of the aforementioned issues.

Ideally, we look for a man’s underlying qualities and values before deciding they aren’t for us. So some may think the above are superficial. However, I think one’s values are displayed in how one decides to spend one’s time. So if he doesn’t value you or a relationship enough to invest time getting to know you and what makes you tick, you have a mismatch. Or if he’s not that interested in really getting to know you, there’s no need for you to spend your time getting to know him.

Have you experienced someone who didn’t have the capacity for you? If so, what happened?

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Dating over 40 Want to learn more about how to tell if he’s a keeper? Get your copy of Real Deal or Faux Beau: Should You Keep Seeing Him? 1

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