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Dear Dr. Romance: Two weeks ago I had to have an abortion.

Posted Mar 08 2010 12:00am

Dear Dr. Romance:

 I am 15 years old.  I just want your opinion. I have a boyfriend that is 19 years old and from what I hear is that its against the law for a 15 year old to go out with a 19 year old. My mom, step dad, sister, and whole family disapproves of our relationship. We have been together for 8 months and we have been through sooooo much just to be and stay together. 

I think if he did not love me enough, he would not waste so much time for so long. I would think if he is just after one thing he would have been left me. Two weeks ago I had to have an abortion. To tell the truth I really did not want to have one. I think that was the happiest time of my life those few weeks I was pregnant. 
 
I cry almost every night and regret even thinking about having an abortion. They did not want us to be together so bad that we felt that maybe if we had a baby we would have no choice but to be together. Please do not get me wrong, but I know I am too young for a baby in these days and times, only because by law I am not old enough to work and not take care of myself. I am just asking for your opinion about a 15yr old and a 19yr old going out and seeing each other. Do you think it is wrong? 
 
Do you think it is right to send a man that's only a few years older than a minor to jail just for falling in love? If my boyfriend was 15 also and I became pregnant would you not want to take him to jail? Why do you think God enabled me to have children at this age if I'm not supposed to? Can you please answer this question? Do you think in the old days it was wrong for 13, 14, 15 year olds and so on to get married? 
 
Of course they had to get the consent from their parents only because they still had to live and rely on them. Do you think I am right? I just do not feel that we should be pulled away cause it will not solve anything. All it might do is fill hearts with anger and hatred to mend a broken heart; I think that is where the trouble sometimes start in society today. If you send an innocent young man to jail for 25 years just for falling in love will probably drive him crazy and completely waste a good mind that could have been useful.
 
If you love someone dearly and then they are ripped away from you and some people fail to love again. In our situation love refuses to pull us away. Maybe love should be given a chance. A teenager's love is no different from that of an adult. Real love is something that forms in your heart, something that everyone feels. 
 
Why do teenagers have to go through so much just to love someone and be happy? When I was 12 years old I had no feelings toward males. I think when you mature enough to love someone to that extinct, you should be able to love someone. Do you agree? I just really need to know the opinion from someone that actually matters. 
 
Me and my boyfriend sometimes feel that we are alone in thinking we should love each other. Its like its me and him against the world. Of course we get support from friends. All I'm asking is for your opinion on this subject. I look forward to your reply, as soon as you are available. 

Please know that I look up to you, and cherish your opinion.

Dr. Romance Responds:

Please ask your parents to send you to counseling.  You need some help sorting out your priorities, making decisions, and planning your future. You're not doing very good on your own.  I'm sure you and your boyfriend believe you're in love, but your behavior is showing that it's not a very mature love.  What rational, adult male would have unprotected sex with a minor and get her pregnant?  How would the two of you possibly have cared for a baby at your age?  I work with children in the foster care system, and this is exactly how they get there, because their parents were too young, unrealistic and selfish to wait until they could really make a family before they had a baby.

You need to regret that your behavior was so impulsive that you wound up needing an abortion.   It's a shame that your baby couldn't have been born to mature, healthy parents who could care for her, support her financially and emotionally, and be good role models for her.

Having a baby is not a game, and it's not right to have a baby so you can feel good.  Wait until you are an adult, supporting yourself, and in a stable marriage with someone who can guarantee to be there for you before you decide to get pregnant again.

If your boyfriend really cared about you as a person, and not as just a source of sexual and emotional gratification for himself, he would have been more careful.  He's obviously immature even for a 19 year old.  He knows the law, and he should know better than to break it. 

Please get counseling and get your life back on track. It's not too late for you to make something good out of your life, and to prepare yourself for real love and real motherhood.  These are the years you should be learning what you need to know. You are way ahead of yourself.  I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, but I think both you and your boyfriend are making some really big mistakes.  Whether you think your family understands you or not, they do have a point. You and your boyfriend are not maature  enough to be having sex or making these kinds of decisions -- no matter what your friends say. 

Please read my article "Stupid Cupid"   reconsider before you ruin your lives, and the life of an innocent, unborn child.  If you really want to have a life together and a family, then begin thinking and acting like grownups, not impulsive children.   It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction   I wish for you a healthy and happy life, and, when you are grown, to know what real love is.

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