I hope you will be able to provide me with an insight.
I was in a relationship with a man I genuinely loved and wanted future with. Our relationship was
lovely to start with but after a few months problems started to emerge: another woman told me he
was in a relationship with her and my trust was broken.
I wanted to believe him and forgive him
but it was not easy especially as he did not want to discuss it with me.
He told me they were friends (he never told me about her yet she knew details about me) and that
she was hoping for more whilst he did not feel the same. She broke up with him (apparently) and
although at first he did not want to talk abut it, at a later stage he used to tell me positive things
about her e.g that she used to be very beautiful, that she used to work as a model and once he told
me he was sad he lost her friendship.
Things went down the hill, our relationship started being
very rocky, stormy he was often angry, possessive, controlling and had volatile moods. I ended
the relationship, being civil, polite and not hurting his feelings but he was angry and offensive. I
did not allow myself to be provoked.
Now, out of the blue after some time, he contacted me. I was polite, civil and exchanged few
words with him but he keeps contacting me. It was difficult for me because he brought all the
memories back for me - negative ones. I asked him outright why is he contacting me but now he
seems to have disappeared again.
It makes me angry because he came back into my life again, thus bringing up the hurt from the
past. I explained to him why I ended the relationship but all he said was that he is sorry for
hurting me but it was not all not his fault. So, after all this time he still feels his violence, volatile
moods, calling me names was all justified. To this day I am not sure why he became so angry toward me ... unless
it is because of another woman. It is just confirming to me I made a right decision to break up with him.
Why was he
trying to establish a contact, would you be able to explain please?
This man is a user, and he became angry originally because you didn't allow him to use you once
you discovered what was going on. You should be very proud of yourself that you didn't stay
with him. He will keep coming back, as long as he thinks there's even a slim chance he can get
what he wants from you.
He hasn't changed, he doesn't think he's wrong, and he'll do the same
thing over and over. He has what we call a Narcissistic personality. Block him from your phone,
Facebook and e-mail. Narcissistic, abusive men have "Jekyll and Hyde" personalities, which means that they
can be very charming when they want something.
Narcissism is arrested emotional
development, at the emotional age of about two years old (which is the healthy narcissistic
developmental stage). Parental permissiveness or disinterest allows a child to avoid growing past
the 'terrible twos' to develop a sense of empathy, responsibility and socialization. Society's focus
on youth worship also aids this lack of development, and all the social media, reality TV shows
and focus on "it's all about me" completes the job.
A romantic relationship -- with the partner whom you hope and expect will provide you with
love, joy and fulfillment of your dreams -- that turns into a miserable and disappointing failure is
a very painful experience. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
I hope you will be suspicious if a
future date seems "too good to be true" -- and observe him carefully to see if he has good
character or not. Ask about previous relationships, friendships, and family. A man who is
disconnected from other people is probably not emotionally available.
Know the signs of emotional blackmail:
1. A demand. Your guy won't take "no" for an answer, and requests are really demands.
2. Resistance. When every discussion turns into an argument.
3. Pressure. He pressures you to go along.
4. Threats. He uses threatening or coercing tactics: threatening to end the relationship, intense
persuading, rage, badgering.