For many many years, i have been the income
earner for our 4 kids and my wife while she was home raising the kids. Day in day out I was
working sometimes three jobs. I got into a career that took 10-15 hrs per day for the first three
years - the money was great and I thought everything was going awesome especially since
everyone was enjoying spending my money on lavish things.
Then my wife started taking
courses in night school with her friend. Dressing nicely, make up the whole bit...for school?
Then one course led to another, and she took some with my eldest daughter as well. Then one
day i noticed that she was getting emails from a classmate who was male. It was pretty personal stuff
like "what do you want to do with your life?" type questions.
I also found that she was reading
tons of romance novels. we had it out, cried lots, and mended our relationship. She said i was
always cranky and in bad moods. I guess from being tired, working always and coming home
to a messy house and lazy teens did that to me.
Anyway, she said she was going to stop reading romance, because it bothered me so much, and
that she wouldn't email any "guys" from class.
1 yr went by and things have been awesome...until i found some new romance novels. They
disturb me because they are fake, about affairs, etc...why read them? I confronted her and she
said she would never stop reading them. It bothers me so much that she won't stop reading them. I feel belittled that she is reading about
hunky guys and sex. I stopped facebook, I stopped the occasional drink of beer, I stopped lots of things because it
bothers her, but she can't stop the one thing that bothers me. I've even said, I don't care what
your read, just not that filth. It makes me feel bad.
What to do?
I know she is not cheating because we are always around each other; unless she is
occassional teaching at the school which she did lots of this past year.
Help! Am I nutz, or do you see a problem?
Awesome for you may not be awesome for her. You are obviously an excellent provider, and
most women want that, but when good providing means you neglect your wife, marriages tend to suffer. Romance
novels are a women's version of porn, because women are not turned on by sex, but by romantic
She's trying to get from books what she's not getting from you. The problem these
books create is that real life can never live up to the romance novel version, so the books (like
porn) can become addictive.
Your wife isn't feeling loved, wanted, needed. She probably feels pressured, controlled and not respected. She's somewhat
emotionally immature, in that she's not recognizing her own needs and coming to you asking to
fix the problem. Instead, she's escaping into romance novels to get her "fix" of affection and
attention. Your own emotional immaturity shows in that you don't realize when you're being
neglectful and cranky, and take charge of fixing that.