Day 5 of my 30 day challenge to write…The scared, little version of the brightest, infinite version of you.
Posted Jun 25 2010 2:33pm
There are times my life hits me…with remnants of the past.
Memories of a time when I didn’t entertain doubt; I didn’t give fear the time of day.
A time when my steps would turn from running into leaping towards what I wanted.
Chance. A force unseen yet, felt somewhere deep inside where caution cannot co-exist.
Chances are like pictures…they should be taken whenever they can be.
There is a time in everyone’s life where taking chances equals uncertainty. We have no idea what the outcome will be.
And, then…after living life head first, there comes a time in everyone’s life where taking chances becomes certainty of outcome…because, we get stuck in fear and start to expect the same results.
“But, I did that before and I got hurt. But, I did that before and failed. But, I did that before and it didn’t work. But, I did that before and got disappointed…rejected…betrayed…embarrassed.”
We try the same things and create grooves in the road along the way…grooves that we automatically go to when we try again…and, like the last time…fail again.
Expectation is one of the most potent feelings there is.
Expectation conjures up belief. And, when you believe…there you will find your outcome. It is tested…tried and true. That which you believe in you will see become your evidence.
Today, I have been thinking about how I can let go of my expectations. It takes discipline to look at your life and see where you are hung up.
To say, wow…there I go again…
Expectations are the weeds that choke out new opportunities.
I remember when I was little, maybe around six or seven…
I was on the beach in my little pink bikini and pigtails. I vaguely remember noticing the boy…but, I do remember letting go of my Mother’s hand and running towards him…he was making sandcastles in his mind that were turning out as little lumps in the sand.
When I got to him, I stopped…he looked up and I took his face in both of my hands and gave him a kiss on the lips.
I can almost feel the same feeling I felt then…it wasn’t anything intrusive…it wasn’t anything impure. It was my heart leaping like a race horse out of my chest and my little body following behind as I raced to pour out that beauty in the form of an innocent kiss. My logical mind was the follower on the beach that day…my heart, the leader.
There are times my life hits me…with remnants of the past…times when I loved for no reason with no expectation of outcome; where my heart flowed freely without a thought as to where it was going and if it would be accepted or appreciated or returned.
Today, I want to face those fears that keep me from being wide open. And, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I want to walk right up to that Wizard that dictates fear…pull back the curtain and reveal it for what it really is: a scared, little version of the brightest, infinite version of me.
What about you? When is the last time you took a chance while letting go of your expectations…the ones you have grown accustom to?
On this journey called life…go ahead…pull back the curtain hiding your fears and see them for what they really are…
A scared, little version of the brightest, infinite version of you.