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Day 18 of my 365 day challenge to write…My challenge to you.

Posted Aug 24 2010 6:16pm



I had a guy friend tell me today that I understand men more than they understand themselves.


I seriously doubt that…but I couldn’t help but take it as a compliment. It matters to me that I have succeeded in at least half way accomplishing what most women will never even have the desire to accomplish in life…


Accept men for who they are…


Without the smoke and mirrors- without the projected fantasy.


I did the hard work. I do the hard work. I am not going to sell myself short on that.


I took the time. I took experiences that could have been devastating and I chose to extract beauty from each one of them.


I stopped fighting and looked around with eyes, mind and heart wide open. I exchanged angst and blame for the possibility to learn and understand.


I wonder how much misery, how many divorces…affairs…two people living under the same roof like roommates…what is it going to take for one of the sexes to finally say, “Enough…I want to know you…REALLY know you…dropping all judgment…I am ready to see and accept you for what you are.”


It goes both ways, but we could stay in this same stuck place for centuries to come…one of us…male or female, has got to wave the white flag.


When I hear girls and all of their anger and even worse, indifference about men it saddens me. It really does.


When I hear men put a blanket, stereotypical statement out there about women it saddens me.


Part of me feels this has been my life’s “purpose”. When I look back and see what I have gone through, experiences…it all has led up to me graduating from the boot camp of the masculine mind.


I am not perfect. I am still 100% woman. I am still confused. I still get disappointed…frustrated…heartbroken.


But it just doesn’t shake or shatter me like it used to. It doesn’t conjure up a fiery anger in me.


I don’t point out anymore…I ask.



Then I listen; without interruption or buts.


I just listen.


Men want to talk.


Men want to be understood.


Men want to be accepted.


Men have learned to play the game just as much as women have. They are a product of that game. Women too.


I look around me and I see people unwilling to put down the game. Not even aware of the game. People who play house with each other-relationships that have no depth in their communication- women who act and choose to be blissfully unaware of their man’s unauthenticated motions in almost all things because he is just trying to keep peace and please her.  


Men who knowingly lie day in and day out. Lose their voice. Lose their opinions. Walk around like little pressure cookers…ready to explode at any minute. Yet, this is what they choose every day; to play a game.


I will not have it- in my life, or in my relationships. Some moments I think it is a curse.


All I have to do in those moments is take one look at the zombies walking around me and I realize I am blessed.


I challenge every man and every woman reading this post to set out tomorrow with the intention of opening to the opposite sex. Like a favorite subject you love to study…dive in. Learn every little thing you can. Be excited to discover and excavate things you have never seen in your lifetime…


Instead of thinking men are douchebags…maybe take an unemotional step back and look at where society has helped produce douchebag behavior. Doesn’t give an excuse…or mean you have to accept things you despise. Just means you don’t judge anymore…understanding and unconditional love can change ANYTHING. I know this to be true. IT has the power to transmute like alchemy…


Maybe that is what we all need on this planet… a little alchemy…a shift…taking elements that are present in all of our genders and relationships and forming them into something entirely different and magnificent.












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