Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. ~ Jerry Gillies
When I first heard the term “fear of abandonment”, a whole new world opened for me. Without any explanation needed, it told me exactly what had been wrong inside for all of my life. And the excitement of naming it, defining it, meant that if there was a NAME for it, then other people had it too and there might be a CURE for it.
It was a long road to travel from that moment to when I felt as if it was finally under control. It was a long road, lots of work and years of working it out.
I had other fears and insecurities but none that ruled my life like fear of abandonment. I had to work on it several ways.
1. I had to confront my historical “stew” — the unfinished business of my life: abandonment.
2. I had to stop abandoning myself and stop being attracted to people who would abandon me. I had to learn that I was enough and I was okay.
3. I had to accept that because of my trauma and history, I would always have irrational responses to some thing but the key to not act on it.
By facing my fear, by naming my fear and by working on it and through it, I was able to conquer it to a large degree (not 100 percent but that took acceptance too).
I learned everything I could, did all the work I could possibly imagine and worked on other areas. I brought my fear out into the open. I talked about it, wrote about it, read about it and tried to identify all the areas in my life that needed work if I were to get it down to a dull roar.
It no longer rules my life because I’ve confronted it. It was long, hard work but it was much harder when it owned me and ruled my life.