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Choosing to be Single vs. Choosing to be Content

Posted Apr 15 2010 10:53am

I run across stories like this all the time - “Living Single in a Doubles World” is a good example. Extrapolating from the latest statistics that tell us there are now more singles living in the U.S. than married couples, the message is that singles are choosing their status over marriage. But there’s more to the story.

My question is this: If you met someone today - someone whom you found to be very attractive, someone who shared your values and was on a similar life path, someone who left you feeling all tingly inside - and that person wanted to be with you, would you say “No, I’m sorry, but I’ve made a decision to stay single”? I doubt it. So are you really choosing to be single, or is that another way to say that perhaps you are more content and less desperate?

Experience has taught me that there is value in finding a way to be content as a single person. It makes you less needy if you have lots of interesting things to do and friends to spend time with. The stats do tell a story of singles putting off marriage until later in life - not a bad thing when you consider how many early marriages fail. There’s definitely something to be said for not chasing after relationships, for allowing that contentment to bloom without taking any particular action.

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