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Can't forget him after 10 years

Posted May 06 2009 1:32pm

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I'm Indonesian. I knew about youfrom the internet. I have a problem that I haven't found the way out till now. Before I tell youanything, first please forgive me if my english is not too well. 


I am in my late 20's and for most Indonesian family at that age you should have hada family of your own in other word get married, have children. My parents is one of those family,they are worried about me because till now I haven't found "MR RIGHT". They introduced me tosome guys even my aunts they are also worried about me. moreover all my girlfriends aremarried and have children. I never interested to any guys that have been introduced to me, there'salways something wrong with them; or probably there's something wrong about me.


The problem is I'm still thinking about myex-boyfriend. I'm deeply in love with him. even though we have broken up for almost 10 yearsstill I can't forget him. We can't be together because he's in USA now. I think he'sstaying in the U.S and will never going back to Indonesia again unless for vacation because hisparents are still here. I know his address and his phone number but I don't havethe gut to call him. I just sent him some short messages sometimes, and he replied my messagesbut not too many words because he always had an excuse to finish it. He told me once that if we

were at the same place we could probably get back together again. He can't stand long distancerelationship. He always wants his girlfriend stay cloce to him. He is also single now.


We haven't talked to each other for years. I always want to make the first move but I'm too afraid of his rejection. Mostof my friends told me if I always compare every guy with him then I would never findsomeone,maybe they are right.


Please help me. I never told about this to my parents. My dad asked me once if I'm stillthinking about my ex-boyfriend but I'm afraid to say yes. I told him that I never think about himanymore and we have lost contact. My dad told me if I still love him, he would let me go to USAto stay close with him. but I don't want that becasue I don't know what his reaction will be if Isuddenly arrive and I don't know what I should do for living there.


Dr. Romance responds: 

Your Dad is right, your boyfriend probably isn't even the boy you knew any more.  Byfantasizing about this ex, you have turned him into a saint, a holy figure no other man can live upto.   But, take a realistic look at this perfect boy.   How does he treat you?   As though he cares?No, you can see he does not.   Put everything that reminds you of him into a box, including

pictures.   Put it all away, where you can't see it.   Save out one picture that symbolizes yourrelationship, and then burn it or destroy it to put a symbolic end to that relationship, which isgone except in your mind.   You will probably cry when you do this, which is OK.   You'll bedoing the grieving that is long overdue.   Then, you'll be free to meet someone new, and get toknow him for who he is.   You'll be a lot happier with a real, less-than-perfect man than with amake-believe perfect one.   Read my article "Where is Love?"


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