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Can “Rescuing” Someone Financially Wound You Emotionally?

Posted Sep 14 2010 5:49pm

You can’t rehabilitate a wounded girl by loving her. James found out the hard way through two years of turmoil with Brianna. She was gorgeous, even did some modeling at one point. But what really sucked James in was her pain. Brianna had a long history of abuse that began in childhood and continued with every guy she dated. James wanted desperately to show her that love, his love, could change her life.

Brianna was unstable at work, so jobs seemed to slip through her fingers. She was terrible with money - she didn’t earn nearly enough for the lifestyle she craved. She had her hair done at the most expensive salons, couldn’t do without her weekly manicures or facials, drove a late model luxury car, and of course shopped endlessly for clothes to show off her hot body. The emptiness inside her drove the craving for more luxury, none of which she could afford. She was deep in credit card debt and barely made her rent each month, yet the pattern continued. James gave her large sums of money, hoping that she would get out of debt and change her habits. He erroneously believed that by rescuing her financially, he was demonstrating love. He thought it was enough to stabilize her. He was terribly wrong.

Like the wounded guy, the wounded girl must rehabilitate herself. Her salvation lies in learning to love herself, but not in the ego-driven manner of the past. Only by making a powerful choice to care for herself, her inside self, does she stand a chance of becoming a woman who can love and be loved. Until she makes that choice and actively lives it (i.e., stop spending, drinking, drugging, partying, etc.; start healthy livng, stabilize in a career), she is a poor choice of partner and an emotional drain on any guy she dates. If you are dating a wounded girl, leave a comment below.

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