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Being Single: 3 Things to Know

Posted Oct 22 2011 7:28pm


There are 3 things we believe are important for single Christian men and women to know…

1. Singleness is not a problem to be solved. 

We ought not marry as a response to social or familial pressures.  Getting married is a lifetime commitment deserving of prayerful and careful consideration.

We ought not marry because we are lonely.  What we call “lonely” is often an internal dissatisfaction with ourselves and/or an inability to resolve our own value.  Bringing those issues into a marriage is not wise.  We owe it to God, ourselves and our future mate to be healed and whole.  It’s alright to feel the need for companionship.  it is not alright to feel that a companion is the way to give your life meaning.

We marry for love (inspired selfless service to another, not mere emotional affection), to experience the divinely sanctioned covenant union it promises (sexual, emotional and spiritual), and to build a home (bear children, bless generations).

2. Date with a purpose.

Many will disagree with this point.  But we were clearly created to mate. Human sexual drive is strong on purpose-God’s purpose.  Discovering the person with whom we will enter covenant isn’t a game.  Our sex drive compels that discovery but, at the same time, we’ve been given the requisite facilities to wait for the right time, marriage.

Consequently, recreational dating is equivalent to juggling fire.  The risks exceed the benefit.  

Some will argue there is benefit in dating to learn what kind of person is right for you.  By recreational dating, we mean dating strictly for the sake of experiencing romance.  Romance, by its nature, is an erotic experience.  Erotic experiences are, by their nature, precursors to sexual experiences.  Do we really want to play with wild tigers?

We date to discover our mates.  There is a natural progression that leads, when successful, to marriage.  If we’re dating with covenant union (marriage) as our purpose, we don’t waste time with incompatible, non-committing ne-er-do-wells!

3. Marry well.

We don’t marry people because we think it will inspire them to do or be better.  Marriage is not a good personal evangelism tool!   You want to fix people?  Pray God’s anointing and start a ministry, get a therapy license or become a missionary.  But for grace sake, don’t get married!

Take your time.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.  Trust Him while you wait.  Don’t marry the parent you never had.  Don’t marry the person who rewards the lowest view you have of yourself.  Don’t marry the first person who asks because they may be able to rescue from your “nowhere” life.

If this is where you are, read no. 1 again!

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