My name is Lisa Brookes Kift and I'm the creator of "The Healthy Relationships Place." I want to take your relationship questions! If you have a relationship question or concern, take this opportunity to get free advice from a Marriage and Family Therapist. Be advised, I won't be providing therapy but will do my best to address your relationship concerns.
I am 50 and have been seeing someone for seven months (he's 61). There are a million things I love about him, but there's one giant elephant in the room...he kayaks a lot and has a cabin in the woods near the river where he stays 3-4 nights a week that's about an hour away and another home close to my place where he stays the remainder of the time. He has a roommate - his ex-girlfriend. They dated about 2 years and split up about 3 years ago. He has told me that they have no interest in each other. I spent three weekends there (she was gone) but decided that it was pretty bad for my self-esteem. Her "bedroom" is not really a room with walls per se, but a loft where she has a bed. Supposedly she spends a lot of time at her on-again/off-again boyfriend's home but when my guy is not around, she actually sleeps in his room. Picture this - if I'm there, I'm in his room looking at her nail files and crosswords next to the bed! It was just too much. We have gotten pretty serious, but when I shied away from the "L" word, he pulled back and at this point, says he doesn't want to be exclusive, even though I talk to him when we're not together to the point I'm not convinced he's seeing anyone else. Not that I'm looking for anything that belongs to him, but I just found out that his current will leaves her that home. This just seems like a helluva lot more than a friendship and I'm struggling with how to deal with it. He looks at it like she is still a close friend and I'm the one with the problem....what say you?