When you have tried as hard as you can to get through to your partner without success you may feel unheard, unseen and misunderstood.
You try even harder to make your point, to show where you are coming from and what upsets you so much in the relationship.
Your partner may be feeling equally frustrated and exasperated with failed attempts to get through to you about what's going on for them.
So you both escalate, get even more angry and disappointed and worst of all you both end up terrified that you are never going to be able to communicate in a way that allows you to feel understood and attended to.
Your arguments and fights get increasingly bitter with accusations and blame used as cannons in an attempt to break down the barricades of your partner's apparent refusal to see it your way.
At that point you may think that the only way you can salvage the relationship is to go to couples therapy.
Maybe an outside person can be more objective and act as a referee or mediator.
Before you go to couples therapy , there are some crucial things you should be aware of:
Many couples come away from a session or two of couples therapy disappointed that the therapist didn't take their side and didn't call one or other partner on their stuff.
They go from therapist to therapist hoping to find the one who will validate one side. Sometimes the couple unite when both are equally disappointed by the therapist.
But if you are serious about therapy there are 4 things you need to know regarding your readiness for couples therapy.
Watch this video and decide whether you and your partner are at a point where couples therapy can be of benefit, or whether you need to go to individual therapy first.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.Disclaimer: this video is for informational and educative purposes only. There is no liability on the part of Dr. Raymond for any reactions you may have when reading the article or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Raymond.