Are you Falling Out of Love? Ten Questions to Ask Yourself!
Posted Oct 07 2008 6:18pm
I hear it all the time...
"I'm just falling out of love."
I don't buy it for a minute.
People do not just ramdomly "fall out of love." It simply doesn't happen.
What they do is stop caring about their marriage and family, stop nurturing their relationship, and stop loving their spouse.
Yes, it is that simple.
Love is something you bring to the marriage, not something that may or may not show up in a marriage depending on fate, the muses, or the alignment of the stars.
For some reason people have this mistaken notion that once they are married a relationship continues to magically grow, that love is ensured, that the partnership will be alive and vibrant forever.
Then, when the love fades, somehow it "just happened".
It is not so.
Note even close.
The marriage is just the beginning of the relationship. It is like planting a seed.
If you plant a seed and leave it alone it most likely will die.
However, if you plant a seed, continue to water it, provide it with rich soil and lots of sunlight, and keep it free from insects, it is not going to die. It will grow into a beautiful flower.
The same is true with your marriage.
The relationship is the flower, the marriage the flower seed. As you plant the seed its life begins.
It is up to you to decide what sort of nutrients, emotions, and conditions you bring to the relationship.
Will you bring it bright light or allow darkness to surround it?
Will you provide it with fresh water or poison?
Will you handle it tenderly or with little care?
If you allow insects and viruses to attack it, (perhaps an affair), it will get eaten away.
What you must remember is that if you fail to take care of the relationship, like a flower it will wilt. It will dry up. It may even die.
Let me repeat: If you fail to do those things that keep a relationship alive it will wither away.
Simple as that.
To those who claim to have just fallen out of love I would invite you to ask yourself the following ten questions 1. How much effort are you putting into you marriage each day to make sure it is as healthy as it can be?
2. How much time and energy are you devoting to other relationships that may be interfering with or impairing your marriage?
3. How often are you demonstrating and expressing your love, care, and commitment to your partner and family?
4. How determined are you to do everything you can to keep your relationship alive and vibrant?
5. Are you bringing your best self to the marriage?
6. Are you doing all you can to make sure your partner knows of your love and concern?
7. How many times a week do you engage in some behavior or activity that you know will strengthen your marriage?
8. Do you look for and focus on the good and beautiful in your partner?
9. Do you keep your mind and heart centered on your marriage and family?
10. What sorts of distractions do you allow in your life that keep you from investing in your relationship and nurturing your marriage?
Remember, if you want a flower to grow and blossom, you must take care of it.
If you want your marriage to be healthy and happy, you must nurture it, care for it, dedicate your life to it.
*Obviously it takes two people to have a fabulous marriage. This post is to help us realize the importance of our individual responsibility to make the relationship healthy and vibrant and to recognize the dynamics of what occurs when people claim they just feel out of love with their partner.