Often a breakup brings us face to face with everything that happened in our lives. It opens a Pandora’s Box. I can see why you’re having trouble.
1) I think that trying counseling again and getting support is a good idea. Also try Al-anon meetings for Adult Children. It’s not that you’ll learn new things but you will find a support system, something that is extremely helpful when you are facing issues. If you try counseling, look for a therapist that has experience with adult children of alcoholics and/or sexual abuse. It’s important to talk to a few different ones. In the meantime find the support at meetings or local groups. You must get some outside support.
2) Antidepressants work differently on different people. You might meet someone who raves about Zoloft and another who cannot handle it at all. You might meet someone who is on Paxil plus something else and found that to be the winning combination. There are newer antidepressants and a GOOD doctor will work with you to find the right one for you. So there is no reason to be afraid of antidepressants, just the wrong ones.
3) SSRIs are not the only anti-depressants out there. There are others. The problem is that most others that are not SSRIs don’t deal with anxiety. But you can take another anti-depressant like Wellbutrin and then add a smaller dose of an SSRI (try some of the newer ones like Celexa at a lower dose since you’re on something else as well) and maybe a PRN anti-anxiety medication like Ativan. Ativan is addictive which is why I say PRN. BTW, this is just an example of how a doctor might work with you to address everything…this is NOT to say that this is the successful combination for you or anyone else. Only you and your doctor can figure that out but there are choices and it’s important to explore them.
But working with a doctor on the right combination for you is important to overall success. Find a doctor who will listen to you and suggest different things. A good doctor will say “These are your choices. These are the usual side effects. Some people find this to happen with this drug….” not just prescribe you whatever is in the cabinet that day. So find a doctor to work with. Again, you might need to have a consultation with a few before finding the right one.
4) Use relaxation and meditation to combat anxiety. It doesn’t usually work right away but if you fall asleep to relaxation or mediation audios (several are suggested on the side panel), it does start to soothe you and you really begin to depend on it as a relief (a good non-medication solution). Additionally an audio like the Stephen and Ondrea Levine grief audio has meditations and a very soothing message from Stephen. (It’s listed over to the right hand side with the word EXCELLENT next to it).
5) Doing your grief work also helps but make sure you are taking breaks and being good to yourself. Maybe get a massage or something that will help calm you. Think of things that have calmed you in the past or find new things now (the audios, the support groups).
I hope this helps a bit. If anyone else has any suggestions, feel free to jump in.