I've been on adventures driving lots the past two days. Yesterday's playtime was a nice lunch with Albert. We had a very interesting conversation.
I've been seeing him about once or twice a month these last few months as we've been partnering in a business venture of sorts. All his idea, he's been very supportive.
I got a call from him last week where he told me he's been wondering if he wants it to continue as a business venture or if he wants to see it differently, putting it in a different column on his excel sheet from "business" to "philanthropy" expense. I told him that I liked that idea, mostly because this would mean I didn't have to worry about it not working and being a disappointment. Money is such a funny thing, the way we put it in catagories: OK to spend in this way, not there. It's the same money, but it's our emotional attachments to it that make me laugh.
The amount he's been putting into the business is almost double per month than what he gave me when I was his Mistress/Courtesan and includes both a decent full time salary for me and expenses for the business.
So that part's been decided. But that wasn't the end of the conversation.
After our discussion months ago about me feeling uncomfortable being sexual with him now that he wasn't gifting me and my tweaks around all that, he said he would find someone to sleep with. I asked him awhile ago if he had found someone. I was surprised at how VERY uncomfortable he was in response to my innocent, friendly, concerned question. He told me he had, that he didn't want to talk about it, and that "it was only sex." OK, then....take a deep breath, Albert, I'm not trying to pry, I only meant to show loving concern for you getting something that was important to you. He can get so touchie, hehehehe....
And then...I don't know....maybe two lunches back, he started talking about wanting to travel and go exciting places. He mentioned Macchu Picchu. A year or so back, we had talked about going there together as he has always wanted to go and I feel called there. He kept looking very pointedly at me during this conversation. I just listenend and chit-chatted about the stuff I had been reading about on it lately. Yadayada...I was happy for him, glad he was deciding to do those things he wanted.
Then the next time I saw him, he started talking about how much he missed our travelling. We've had wonderful adventures. He said things like: it would be so fun to be able to go to Chicago again, or Vegas and do our show and dinner and art stuff we do so well...he really really misses that. I nod...he is staring. So I'm thinking...sure...I certainly am not traveling these days and it's always fun...so I say...that could be fun and maybe I'd do that, we'd just have to see how things flow with me having this work now from the business and all. Then he says...but I'm not sure I would want to do the whole two rooms thing...it would just be weird. And I say...well...it's not like we haven't shared a hotel room before. And he says sure...we could get two double beds. And that's the end of that conversation.
Then yesterday at lunch, after the conversation about tentatively shifting from business to philanthropic mode, he then starts in talking about travel again...and how it would so fun...but he really doesn't want to be in a hotel room with me and not have "the full experience."
He's, obviously, been doing some thinking.
He still doesn't want to gift me for hanging out with him like we used to be. At the same time, he understands my "thing" about my boundaries. He also knows I have a dream of supporting women in health and education. So he then asks me if I would be willing to be sexual with him again if he is willing to give the same amount he would be giving me under our old arrangement to the Humanitarian Project of my choice. Would this fufill my requirements and would I feel balanced in the energetic exchange?