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A Wife Wants More Sex

Posted Dec 10 2008 12:01pm

Question
"Why does my husband have such a hard time committing to being intimate with me?

He has agreed that he likes it to be more often, yet the problem goes on, and I'm the one that's not being satisfied. I've talked to him so many times about this! Why does it in my opinion, seem unnatural to him? What am I supposed to do?

Often I've had to resort to taking care of myself, and that proves he is unfeeling to my needs."

Answer
There is no simple answer to your question without knowing more information. For example, are there past issues between you and your husband that are not resolved?

Sex and sexual intimacy can be compared to the tip of an iceberg. What lies beneath the surface (emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacies) are hidden, but massive in their influence. Most probably, it is in these areas that the root of this surface problem lies.

Approach your husband, and ask for an open and honest talk about your sex life. Possibly, there is an area of guilt that your husband struggles with; this guilt can make your husband refuse sex, or perhaps take on a feeling of martyrdom: “I don’t need sex. I’ll show my wife I can do without it.”

However, regardless of the reasons why things are not working sexually, the remedy remains the same: develop intimacy. As you probably know, if you’ve read our website, there are four types of intimacy: spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and sexual. All of them involve openness and vulnerability. Your husband will not be able to change significantly without openness, honesty, and acceptance developing between you. But he needs to know that he will not be “punished” for his honesty.

If you’ve approached your husband without being demanding and controlling, and he is still not willing to be open and honest with you, then seeking professional marriage counseling is still a good option even if you end up going by yourself.

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