A Mans Guide to Moving on From Martial Separation and Divorce
Posted Oct 12 2010 4:07am
Moving on from marital separation and divorce can be difficult for both the men and women involved. The main difference is the fact that women generally have more avenues of help that they will be able to count on to get them through the darker days while men are left to fend for themselves with lesser or greater degrees of success. If you find yourself getting stuck to such a situation however this short guide may be able to help you out.
The Stages of Divorce
The emotional stages of divorce are closely similar to the stages that you go through with any event that causes extreme emotional grief, like the loss of a loved one for example. In essence, you are in fact losing a loved one when you undergo divorce, the only difference is that there are very much still there, but you will no longer be able to share the same sentiments, emotions or connections that you once had with them. The process of divorce for men usually goes like this:
· Denial – The first time you hear about divorce you won’t really believe that it is happening. The full reality of the situation has yet to sink and you are still very hopeful that things will start looking up very soon.
· Anger – Once reality sets in, it sets in really hard, and the first reaction you will have will be of anger. You’ve been hurt and you’ll generally want to get revenge on those who have hurt you so, causing you to lash out in retaliation at whatever target is nearby.
· Bargaining – Once the anger has subsided it is usually replaced by desperation. Most often, last ditch attempts to win back your ex will come into play, or bargaining for other things as you try to salvage whatever you can from the marriage.
· Depression – Sadness and depression follows as the dust settles leaving you with the full reality that you are unable to do anything about what has happened.
· Acceptance – The good news is that most men will eventually reach the stage of acceptance. Getting to this stage however can take years for some men and a shorter time for others, depending on the many factors and how well a guy knows himself.
While emotions such as anger and depression are generally easy to see, the reason that these emotions come into existence lies a bit much deeper within your psyche and understanding which emotions these are will help you in getting the solution that you need.
The final stage to being completely over your divorce and moving on to live a new and better life is forgiveness. This will seem quite an insurmountable task to accomplish especially if you are still living in the hell that divorce has created but is nonetheless essential to your full recovery.
Being able to forgive does not mean that you condone or agree to what has happened. It just means that you no longer hold anger or resentment over those who have caused you pain. In essence you accept what has happened and are ready to move on with life on your own.
For more information about these aspects of moving on from martial separation and divorce and more specific details on coping with the everyday challenges you will face, click below to find out a comprehensive guide on divorce recovery written just for men.