'I don't think this was very well thought out' RT @jowyang Seats are so small I look like T-Rex trying to do sign language when I type
about 6 hours ago
Last Saturday a good friend took my wife and I to an Argentine Tango dancing studio hosted by the wonderful teacher Alex Krebs . We had an hour lesson and then danced for a few hours after. I have experienced a little more dance than the average person, but I had never before done the Tango.
For those of you who don't know anything about Argentine Tango , I suggest you visit the Tango Video Project . The YouTube videos like the one above don't really do the subject justice. If you happen to be in the Portland area, come find me at any of the nightly Milongas (an evening of dance) in the city - you can find the schedule here .
What I discovered is that Tango is totally different from most forms of dance, and that the principles of Tango can be applied to many aspects of life, especially relationships. If you'll humor me, I suggest the following reasons every Good Husband learn to Tango:
1. As men, husbands, and fathers, we should be leading by gentleness and persuasion and not by force. Tango requires that one person be a very strong and decisive leader. If, however, the man pushes too hard while dancing, then the girl falls over and the dance is ruined.
In our relationships we should take the lead, but if we push too hard or we are too forceful with our opinions, then we are doomed to fail. There must be a balance between being strong and listening to our partner.
2. Tango requires you to engage your passion. The steps to Tango are not terribly difficult in comparison to other dances that I have learned. I picked up a few steps and was able to dance for the rest of the evening, getting a little bit better as the time went on. Watching some of the other dancers made me realize that although they were not doing many more steps than I was, they looked totally different than my wife and I. The difference was the passion with which they danced. They were completely lost in the music and in listening to each other.
If Good Husbands can allow themselves to block out so much of the outside world and allow themselves to fall in sync with their wives, the resulting relationship is beautiful, and a little awe-inspiring, to behold. We all know those couples who are just perfect together, they operate nearly seamlessly. I think Tango is a great example of that.
3. Leading by creativity is more fulfilling than leading by rote patterns and memorized steps. Some dances require that you learn and relearn a set of steps and then repeat them over and over in increasingly complex patterns. Tango (at least as Alex taught it) allows you to learn the basic principles and then build from there with your own creativity.
For those of us in long term relationships, how often do we approach a problem in our relationship thinking that we know the answer without really listening to the question? When our relationships get comfortable we begin to operate on trained responses. Truly beautiful relationships operate on the principles of communication, honesty, and trust - just like Tango.
4. You can learn from others. If you're willing to dance with them without judgement and without reservation, you can learn. Once the lessons are over at a Tango dance, there is only dancing. There is a rule that no one teaches on the dance floor. It's wonderfully freeing. People of all skill levels are out on the floor doing the best they can. Trading partners throughout the evening is encouraged. I danced with some who were excellent dancers and some who were even worse than I was. From each of them I learned and improved my own technique, all without criticism or any intentional teaching.
In my relationship with my wife there have been a few times where unnecessary criticism interfered with our happiness. Most of the time when we mess up, we know it. Sometimes it is just better to keep dancing than to point it out or to try and fix it. Sometimes it is better to just let little hurts in relationships go and move on to the next moment. There is a time for working on relationships, discussing the good and the bad, and there is a time for just allowing yourself to experience the relationship, for the good or the bad.
Little lessons like this are all around us if we are willing to open ourselves up to them. Tango isn't the only thing that I've learned about relationships from, just the most recent.
Last Saturday a good friend took my wife and I to an Argentine Tango dancing studio hosted by the wonderful teacher Alex Krebs . We had an hour lesson and then danced for a few hours after. I have experienced a little more dance than the average person, but I had never before done the Tango.
For those of you who don't know anything about Argentine Tango , I suggest you visit the Tango Video Project . The YouTube videos like the one above don't really do the subject justice. If you happen to be in the Portland area, come find me at any of the nightly Milongas (an evening of dance) in the city - you can find the schedule here .
What I discovered is that Tango is totally different from most forms of dance, and that the principles of Tango can be applied to many aspects of life, especially relationships. If you'll humor me, I suggest the following reasons every Good Husband learn to Tango:
1. As men, husbands, and fathers, we should be leading by gentleness and persuasion and not by force. Tango requires that one person be a very strong and decisive leader. If, however, the man pushes too hard while dancing, then the girl falls over and the dance is ruined.
In our relationships we should take the lead, but if we push too hard or we are too forceful with our opinions, then we are doomed to fail. There must be a balance between being strong and listening to our partner.
2. Tango requires you to engage your passion. The steps to Tango are not terribly difficult in comparison to other dances that I have learned. I picked up a few steps and was able to dance for the rest of the evening, getting a little bit better as the time went on. Watching some of the other dancers made me realize that although they were not doing many more steps than I was, they looked totally different than my wife and I. The difference was the passion with which they danced. They were completely lost in the music and in listening to each other.
If Good Husbands can allow themselves to block out so much of the outside world and allow themselves to fall in sync with their wives, the resulting relationship is beautiful, and a little awe-inspiring, to behold. We all know those couples who are just perfect together, they operate nearly seamlessly. I think Tango is a great example of that.
3. Leading by creativity is more fulfilling than leading by rote patterns and memorized steps. Some dances require that you learn and relearn a set of steps and then repeat them over and over in increasingly complex patterns. Tango (at least as Alex taught it) allows you to learn the basic principles and then build from there with your own creativity.
For those of us in long term relationships, how often do we approach a problem in our relationship thinking that we know the answer without really listening to the question? When our relationships get comfortable we begin to operate on trained responses. Truly beautiful relationships operate on the principles of communication, honesty, and trust - just like Tango.
4. You can learn from others. If you're willing to dance with them without judgement and without reservation, you can learn. Once the lessons are over at a Tango dance, there is only dancing. There is a rule that no one teaches on the dance floor. It's wonderfully freeing. People of all skill levels are out on the floor doing the best they can. Trading partners throughout the evening is encouraged. I danced with some who were excellent dancers and some who were even worse than I was. From each of them I learned and improved my own technique, all without criticism or any intentional teaching.
In my relationship with my wife there have been a few times where unnecessary criticism interfered with our happiness. Most of the time when we mess up, we know it. Sometimes it is just better to keep dancing than to point it out or to try and fix it. Sometimes it is better to just let little hurts in relationships go and move on to the next moment. There is a time for working on relationships, discussing the good and the bad, and there is a time for just allowing yourself to experience the relationship, for the good or the bad.
Little lessons like this are all around us if we are willing to open ourselves up to them. Tango isn't the only thing that I've learned about relationships from, just the most recent.