Yesterday was Baggage Reclaim’s 5th birthday and one of the things I’ve done to celebrate is put together one hundred tips and thoughts to improve your dating experiences by helping you to keep your eyes and ears open, stay positive, and look for the things that count for leading dating someone into a possible relationship.
1. If you can’t date without losing the ability to love, trust, care for and respect yourself, don’t date or be in a relationship until you can. You will find that you have much better dating experiences when you like and love you.
2. No matter how much your body and your imagination screams yes, leave sex out of at least the first few dates. If you have sex before you get to know someone or as a means of getting to know someone, it will cloud your judgement and is likely to put you in The Justifying Zone, that special mental place that we go to when we sexually or emotionally invest too soon and look, or should I say ‘scratch around’ for reasons to justify the initial investment because we don’t like to think that we’ve slept with someone who is not appropriate for us.
3. Dating is a discovery period. If you imagine that the idea of dating is about discovering other people and seeing how much you ‘click’ and whether you have enough going on to forge a relationship, this period is for you to learn about one another…even if what you learn is bad news.
4. Contrary to popular opinion, the key thing that you will need to find out is whether you share common values – this is what will take you from dating into a bonafide relationship. If you rely on sexual chemistry and common interests and forget to discover whether you share common values, you will find yourself being bemused as to why someone you ‘seem’ to get along with so well doesn’t translate into a relationship.
5. All that someone being very good at sex tells you is that they’re very good at sex and/or very practised at it. All that someone who you feel a physical/sexual attraction to when you know nothing about their character or suitability tells you is that you are horny based on their appearance and the illusion of what they might be. Be careful of thinking that because someone knows your body very well or how to make it ‘sing’ that they know you very well. If they don’t know you before they have sex with you, they still won’t know you after they have sex with you.
6. Don’t make dating into a vocation. Have fun! While I appreciate that you’ve got to get out there and meet people, it shouldn’t be done to the exclusion of having a life otherwise every date will carry more meaning and weight than is warranted, it’ll feel like an interview process, you’ll get frustrated and difficult, and it’ll become like a numbers game.
7. Don’t date if you are not over your ex. It may feel like the best thing to do is jump back into the saddle after a break up but if you haven’t given yourself time to get over it, you are likely to end up sabotaging your dates. It is also likely that the emotions that are still attached to your ex will create drama in itself. Never date until you have reduced your baggage to hand luggage. Oh and of course it’s not fair on the people you’re dating!
8. Online dating is an option for meeting people but not your only option. Getting out there and meeting people like they used to do in ‘olden times’ i.e pre-internet is still the most effective way. If you are going to date online, you need hide of a rhino, good detective skills, and a willingness and ability not to let your imagination run wild.
9. No ex on the first date! In fact, you have no real reason to talk about your ex on the first few dates. The only reason is if there is something about your ex that is vitally important that they know. eg. They’re stalking you and anyone you date, you have a child together etc. You’re supposed to be getting to know one another and if you talk about your exes you may actually end up communicating that you’re still emotionally invested.
10. Don’t start acting like you’re in a relationship when you’re are just dating. Slow your roll! You’re going too fast! If you do this, you will expect as if you’re in a relationship when you don’t actually know each other enough to be able to do this. You will make the other person nervy if you go into girlfriend or even ‘wifey’ mode when you’ve not established whether you’re in a relationship. Don’t assume the position!
11. Don’t make exceptions to your normal boundaries. It’s better to be yourself and know your limits and see the whole picture.If you’re already making exceptions for someone who you are dating, it is a sign of not so great things to come. As dating is a discovery phase where you should be aware of things that potentially signal a relationship not happening, turning a blind eye to stuff is not in your interests.
12. Remember to act like you’re worthy and in the same league. Do not put people on a pedestal because the only place for them to look at you is from above, which means you are beneath them.This creates a dangerous, imbalanced relationship that is difficult to recover from. Be careful of getting dazzled by someone and in awe of them as it may make you blind to the reality plus it puts undue pressure on them creating expectations that they cannot live up to.
13. There are some people who won’t live up to the hype they created on the first few dates. Don’t spend from here to eternity trying to recreate that ‘persona’ that they exhibited as some people are very good at putting on a performance at the start but quickly fade into the ‘real’ them. If what you saw has disappeared that quickly, trust me when I say it wasn’t real.
14. If someone is saying that they want to get to know you by getting your knickers down, they’re not trying to get to know you – they’re trying to charm and disarm you so that they can shag you.
15. Dating doesn’t require you to be blind, whether it’s to the reality of someone or to your own needs. For you to have a sense of who they are, the relationship or the possibility of one, and whether it feels good you, you need to be capable of engaging with them with your eyes and ears open. The dating shouldn’t be one sided and if your needs can’t be met while you run around meeting theirs, it is a sign of a dangerous, imbalanced relationship to come.
16. It’s OK not to be interested. Just because someone is interested in you doesn’t mean that you have to reciprocate.
17. If you have a ‘type’ and so far it has failed to yield you a successful, healthy, fulfilling relationship, it’s safe to say that you need to let go of whatever preconceived ideas that you hold about the type of person you are attracted to or who is ‘right’ for you.
18. Boundaries are vital in dating and act as your personal electric fence. It is important for you to know your limits and act in accordance, otherwise you will communicate to your dates that not only do you not respect yourself enough but that they are free to take advantage of you. The type of people who will take advantage of this will see you not having boundaries and work out what they can get away with and act accordingly.
19. Get rid of anyone who only communicates with you via text message. They’re treating you like a booty call.
20. Never assume that because someone has shown interest, asked you out or is even dating you that they are single or willing, able, and ready for a relationship. You’d be surprised how many people get asked out by attached people!
21. Somewhere between date one and three, you need to clarify that the person is single and that they are not married, with somebody, living with an ex, just separated, long-term separated etc. If you don’t know the answer to these questions, as in you have asked and clarified, or you are afraid to ask, do not pass GO. Basically do not go past date 3 without knowing this information. Ever. Certainly don’t sleep with them without knowing this vital information.
22. If you donât want to spend a lot of time wrecking your head over whether he really likes you, whether heâll call, or why he didnât call, keep your knickers on for the first few dates at least. Sex whilst it can be very enjoyable confuses the hell out of things. If youâre asking where you stand when youâve already had sexâ¦itâs too lateâ¦
23. Don’t make assumptions about what type of person someone will be based on their job or how much money they make. If you date in this manner and run around drawing misplaced conclusions about people before you’ve even got the chance to know them, you will cloud your judgement. You’re also effectively wasting both theirs and your time because the person doesn’t stand a chance.
24. Get a life with some variety that opens you up to meeting new people and having new experiences. You are not going to meet someone doing the same hard and fast routine day in day out, week in, week out. Someone isn’t going to fall out of the sky in the supermarket car park, or on the dairy aisle, or between your car and your front door, and while you might meet someone at the gym or at work, you’re not being proactive enough. You’re just hoping fate bites you in the bum without you having to get uncomfortable.
25. Dating requires effort. Sometimes you’ll have to drag yourself out when all you feel like is curling up in a ball and going to sleep. Yes the date might not end up being that great, but by the same token, it may well be. You’ve got to be in it to win it!
26. Dating requires resilience. You are worth it. It’s not easy out there today and too many people seem to think they have too much choice causing them to behave like everyone is dispensable. Nonetheless you have to keep the faith even though some days, weeks, or even months will be more wearying than others.
27. Do not expect from people what you are not capable of being and doing yourself. Anything that you’re expecting from dates are things that you yourself should possess.
28. Don’t do ‘The Reach’ on dates which is where you offer to pay and make like you’re reaching for your wallet/purse but have no genuine intentions of paying. This is really insincere behaviour made even worse if you are going to judge them for it if they accept your offer. If you don’t believe in paying on the first date, don’t reach.
29. The only way you can discover if someone shares the same values as you is by spending the time and getting to know them. What do they believe in? What are their plans and their goals? What’s important to them? Ask questions and even more importantly, pay attention to see if they’re living in line with their values.
30. Remember those people who are rude to staff or even you on dates? They’re an obnoxious person to date as well.
31. When you go on that first, second, or third date, just focus on experiencing that date. There is no need to be putting your name with their surname, imagining them on holiday, trying to work out if you can marry them, and basically galloping too far into the future.
32. Of course once you are dating someone, be careful of anyone who is afraid to even think ahead to the following day. It’s OK to make some plans like calling each other.
33. Don’t be too quick to write somebody off especially if you tend to judge books by their cover or are inclined to judge based on whether you get ‘sparks’. Unless something disastrous happens or it’s very tense on the date, the likelihood is that while some of you may hit it off on the first date, it often takes two or three dates to get a sense of whether you’re really interested.
34. But be careful of trying to ‘force’ yourself to like someone just because you think you ‘should’. Someone could be the nicest person in the universe but if you have little in common on both the interests and values front, that is OK. You don’t have to be with someone just because you ‘think’ they’re really nice.
35. Be careful of anyone who is reliant on texts, instant messenger, and email as their dominant forms of contact as these are forms of lazy communication that not only lead to a lazy relationship but may cause you to build sandcastles in the sky.
36. Am I able to be myself and love and live with my boundaries? – You should have a positive answer to this question if you’re thinking about going from dating to being in a relationship with someone. People respect boundaries even though we are often afraid of setting and living by our boundaries for fear of rejection. However people respect people that know their own mind, have personal security, and aren’t afraid to say no. The people who are reliant on dating you without boundaries will of course walk away but that’s OK because you don’t them anyway.
37. Is what I want from this relationship what this person is actually capable of giving, not based on who I think they are, or who I’d like them to be, but based on who they consistently are now? When you’re further along in dating and are thinking that you want more, this is a question you need to be able to answer.
38. If you’re attracted to the guys that are not interested in you and you’re not attracted to the guys who are interested, take this as a warning sign that something is very wrong. Basically if you only want people who are not interested in you, you have to ask what type of people you’re interested in and why you only want people who don’t share your interest. Often when this happens it’s because your pattern is to feel interested when you know that their interest is not there, going on to seek validation and getting trapped in feelings of rejection. This doesn’t mean you’re interested – it means you want to be right and chosen.
39. Introduce them to your family (and friends) gradually and when you have got a real sense of whether you like and know them. I would be cautious, for instance, about introducing someone to your kids too soon until you’ve established that you are actually dating and that they’re trustworthy.
40. There is a time and a place for talking about past relationships but be careful of who you share this information with. If you talk about your dodgy relationships too soon, if you’re with a dubious type of person they will not only use the information that you tell them to draw negative conclusions about you but they may also adapt their behaviour to suit the information that you share which will cause them to end up portraying themselves in a false light. I’m not saying don’tshare information but what I am saying is be authentic in your reasons for sharing the information.
41. When you do get to talking about your past, itâs about striking a balance. The key is that you shouldnât be emotionally invested. If you come across too cold, you may give the impression that you’re trying to pretend you’re not into them and obviously mouthing off about them will make the other person really uncomfortable even if they don’t show it. You need to be in neutral territory. I have found that it is a lot easier to have these conversations when you have got to know each other and you know enough about each other not to feel daunted by the conversation.
42. Donât go to the movies for the first few dates. It is important that you are both communicating and you canât do this if youâre sitting in the dark watching a film. Whatever your choice of date, ensure that involves a high level of interaction.
43. Pay attention. One of the biggest causes of dating and relationship issues is failing to pay attention to obvious red flag behaviour in the early stages of dating which subsequently come back to bite you in the bum when you’re further along in the relationship. You donât need to play CSI â you just need to ensure that you are aware and alert.
44. Stay away from each otherâs homes on the first few dates. Itâs too soon for you to be having the date at either of each otherâs homes. Itâs only a hop, skip, and a jump to the bedroom and itâs best to avoid temptation especially if you are prone to getting sexual very quickly. Itâs also better to be on neutral territory.
45. If you’re interested, don’t pretend you’re not interested. Not only is this childish game playing, but you will totally convey the wrong messages about yourself and turn off your date. You may think it’s a way of trying to get them to prove their worth but this is the type of games that I see women come up against with Mr Unavailables and assclowns all the time, so don’t perpetuate bad behaviour that you wouldn’t like to be on the receiving end of.
46. If you’re interested say so or even better, show that you’re interested. This doesn’t mean sex by the way but it is as simple as saying that youâve really enjoyed yourself and their company. This isn’t a big deal and doesn’t mean that you’ve showed your hand but it leaves them with no reason to think that you would not be interested in another date.
47. People do sometimes pretend to be more than what they are, but will always struggle to maintain a complete faÃ§ade on all dates. You will only notice this difference if you are not in Lala land with rose tinted glasses and the fur coat of denial
48. Put your mobile/cell phone on silent or vibrate! Donât take calls or text throughout the date. Go to the bathroom. But obviously donât spend most of the date taking calls âsurreptitiouslyâ.
49. Listen donât just talk on dates. People think that you need to talk a lot for good communication but there needs to be a balance between talking and listening. If youâre doing most of the talking, somethingâs not right.
50. Get your head in order before you date because we end up in relationships with people that reflect what we believe so it’s best to make your beliefs and attitude positive! Donât date if you feel cynical, jaded, or bored with dating because you will no doubt draw in people who perpetuate what you already feel and scare off the decent guys.
51. If you are unsure about someone or there is key information that you still need to know about them, do not sleep with them. Trust me, shagging them isn’t going to clear up the information gap!
52. Talk about yourself positively to dates. Do not sell yourself short. If you can’t see why someone should date or love you, how can they see it?
53. On your dating profile, if you’re only interested in people who are looking for a serious relationship, say so. Often people say they are looking for a mix of things and get a mix of people, but it pays to be very specific in your profile because even though you may get less respondents, you are more likely to weed out people who are just looking to get laid or clock up dating numbers, and even if you do still find yourself with one of these people, knowing that you have been specific means that you can let them go because you were upfront.
54. Always tell someone that youâre going on a date. It’s good to be safe! If he seems weird, listen to your gut. Meet in an open, public place for the first few dates and keep your spidey senses alert for anything that comes across as strange, intense, or stalkery.
55. If they comes with excess baggage that involves a wife or girlfriend, tell them to get lost. Or tell them to come back when they’re baggage free. Nuff said.
56. Don’t discover a piece of information about their ex and then try to make yourself into them or start to feel insecure. You need to be yourself and if you start trying to be someone that they’ve broken up with, you’re on a one-way track to Disasterville.
57. Don’t allow people you are dating to call you up after the whole week has gone by and expect you to make plans. This means that they shouldn’t be calling you up on a Friday at 5pm expecting you to be free and you shouldn’t be accepting their invitation. It’s called you being too available and them being too lazy to deem you important enough to make plans with.
58. Stay positive for the second and subsequent dates and be careful of creating too big expectations. If the first date went well, this is great, but that doesnât mean that you should expect fireworks and cymbals clashing for the second date. Manage your expectations and focus on getting to know them. On the other hand, donât go in with a negative attitude which assumes that your date is bound to screw up because itâs what you expect from all second dates.
59. Judge people on the merits of their own actions. Don’t tar everyone with the same brush because you’re afraid of trusting yourself. In fact, you’d better learn to trust yourself before you start dating otherwise you will either be too fearful and find any reason to find fault or you will love and trust blindly, which is dangerous also.
60. Donât be bitchy, aloof, confrontational, or aggressive. You may think you come across as independent and self-assured but actually youâre coming across as bitchy, aloof, confrontational, or aggressiveâ¦ They donât exactly scream âdate meââ¦ Make sure that how you intend to come across is actually how you come across. Communication is only as good as the message that’s received on the other end.
61. If the person is reluctant to say where they live or talk about their living arrangements, be warned – they’re likely to be very shady.
62. If you only see and hear from them late at night, it’s not because they’re very busy with their job, or you’re the last voice they want to hear before they go to sleep – it’s because you’re a booty call.
63. Learn to say âNOâ. Much of the drama that happens with dating arises from not being true to yourself and being agreeable. There is nothing wrong with saying ânoâ and it means that you donât have to act happier than you feel plus you get to give more positive, genuine YES’s.
64. If you expect honesty be honest on your dates. That doesn’t mean being rude – it means being yourself. It is a lot easier to see through someone’s phoniness when you’re being your authentic self
65. Guys that like you SAY and ACT like they like you. Same goes for women. If the two things don’t match up consistently then you know that this person is a blow hot and cold’er.
66. Avoid the dating equivalent of premature ejaculation. Do not be premature with your conversational topics. You don’t need to know if they see a possibility of getting married or having kids, or even having a relationship with you on the first date. In fact, it takes time to discover these things and before you can even contemplate doing any of these things with anyone, you need to get to know them first.
67. If you’re unsure after the first date, that’s OK. Go on a second and third date. Seriously, there is no fire. Some people take a bit of time to warm up and that’s OK too. Remember – we have often dated people who we felt instant rapport who have turned out to be no good for us. It will do you no harm to slow your roll because we don’t always judge people fairly.
68. Don’t date because you feel pressured by your family and friends. They’re only projecting their insecurities on to you or not realising how they are coming across. Date because you want to.
69. Make an effort with your appearance on your date. Not only will it create an impression but it will make you feel good as it will affect your mindset.
70. Work out what you genuinely want from dating. Are you looking for a relationship? Are you looking to get laid? Are you looking to pass time? There are people out there to suit whatever you are looking for but it’s important to know what that is before you start so that you don’t waste someone else’s time or have them waste yours. If you are looking for the latter two, adjust your expectations accordingly and be careful of changing the goalposts and your expectations if the person was wanting the same thing that you originally were.
71. There’s no such thing as ‘out of your league.’ Be careful of letting your own sense of self-worth get in the way of reaching out for someone who is truly worth it because when we donât believe weâre good enough, we tend to end up with people that arenât good enough either, or fail to recognise when they are. Rather than removing yourself from certain dating possibilities in the dating pool, put yourself out there and give yourself a chance. Not only are you pushing yourself, but you never know what could happen.
72. Can a booty call grow into dating grow into a relationship? NO.
73. It’s more than OK to have drinks on your dates but if you get drunk and lose control of yourself, it may be best to leave out alcohol or limit yourself.
74. Don’t put ‘dicks before chicks’. When you will do anything in the name of a man or getting some, to the point where you will screw over a friend, family, or whichever woman to get your way, remember that karma is a bitch. Men that know youâll screw over the world to screw him, also recognise that they can pretty much do what they want with you.
75. Be careful of Defining The Relationship Talks. Of course these DTRâs can be useful but I tend to find that people use these in the absence of judgment and either jump the gun and have the talk too soon, or leave it until itâs far too late. Or they have DTRâs all the time and this becomes how you both communicateâ¦and thatâs not good either.
77. Donât dissect the date itself or the person on the actual date. Save the blow by blow analysis of the person and the date for when you get home and speak to your friends. You wouldn’t appreciate being critiqued. Unless they have done something really rude that you can’t avoid mentioning, don’t put yourself or them through the uncomfortable act of telling them why they are not worthy.
76. The purpose of having Defining The Relationship (DTR) talks is for you both to state and be clear about what type of relationship/dating you have. It should remove ambiguity and you should both understand if there are any limits to your expectations of that person and the resulting relationship that you have with them. You shouldn’t need or have to define the relationship very often. It’s clarification that you’re exclusive and that whatever it is that you’re both doing, you’re clear and in agreement about what that is. Do not assume!
77. Avoid interrogating. Itâs not an interview even though you may be tempted to treat it like one. No-one wants to feel like theyâre a suspect of a murder enquiry or in the late stages of The Apprenticeâ¦
78. Have a life. Youâve met a man. Does that mean you roll over and stop having your own life? Donât fall into the trap of sacrificing your own life, neglecting friends, family or even work just because youâve met someone and are getting a bit of action. Having your own life and not instantly depending on your new partner give good indicators to him that you are independent, personally happy and with good self esteem levels. Howeverâ¦
79. Acknowledge and confront any red flags or dubious behaviour. Trust me when I say that the things that you fight about or eventually break up over are often things that could have easily been found out in the early stages of the relationshipâ¦if only youâd opened your eyes and taken off the rose tinted glassesâ¦ Rather than play happy honeymoon all the time, donât be afraid to call him on behaviour that youâre not comfortable with as you need to know if he is worth your energy.
80. No phone or online sex with people that you don’t know. If someone that you met online this morning is already sending you penis shots or trying to get you to talk dirty, you can trust me when I say that nothing more than some sexual flirtation is going to come of this. The worse thing is that even though they invite you to participate, these people often mark you down for participating. Unless having sex with strangers is your ‘thang’, don’t engage in inappropriate sexual flirtations or virtual/phone sex with people that you don’t know. Period.
81. Don’t hang around with people who have negative attitudes towards dating, especially if they affect your mindset and cloud your judgement. This is both your single and attached friends. It’s good to spend time around positive people who support you as opposed to negative people who suck the fun out of things, undermine your choices, trigger you questioning yourself, or portray you and your life as doom and gloom.
82. Learn to feel good about yourself so that you act in accordance with how you feel. Treat yourself well, think positively and realistically, and reflect that in your actions and interactions. Read my 100 tips on self-esteem.
83. Find out who you are, what you like, what your interests are, and what your goals are and find events, clubs, places etc that not only reflect these but give you the opportunity to meet like-minded people. It doesn’t matter if it turns out that you don’t enjoy something – try something else. Don’t make umpteen excuses as to why it’s not worth your while to do something because all the excuses boil down to is trying to avoid change and getting out of your comfort zone.
84. Let me emphasise: you will not meet people on your sofa or burying yourself in the illusionary world of the internet. Get out of the house and don’t kid yourself about your efforts to meet people.
85. It’s good to have a dating hiatus especially if you have found that dating is making you miserable, cynical, or yielding a familiar pattern that isn’t working for you. Taking, for example, a 3-6 month break lets you focus on you and when you come back to it, you can start afresh with renewed vigour and attitude. Obviously avoid repeating the past – relationship insanity. This is carrying the same baggage, beliefs, attitudes and behaviours, choosing the same people different package and expecting different results.
86. Take a sex hiatus if your sexual interactions are clouding your judgement and/or yielding negative results. Dating without sex can be wonderfully liberating. You’ll quickly weed out people who are just out for the chase and looking to get laid and you can focus on getting to know them in reality and discovering common values.
87. Don’t treat your dates like armchair psychologists and don’t allow yourself to be treated in this way. Totally.Not.Appropriate. You (or they) will convey all of the wrong things about yourself and you will communicate ‘I have problems. I am not personally secure.’
88. Unless you are in a relationship with someone, you trust them, and there is a healthy foundation to your relationship, you should not be lending money to your dates. If you do, consider it gone. Romance and finance don’t mix!
89. Donât play games. Games really shouldnât enter into the dating and relationship arena unless theyâre in the bedroomâ¦ Otherwise playing games creates unnecessary drama by manipulating people and the outcome of situations. You may feel like you need to test your dates but youâre creating a relationship based on misconceptions. And how can you trust what you think you know when youâve been playing games? Oh and if your dates suss that youâre a date player, youâll come off looking like a childish fool.
90. Don’t go for the low hanging fruit, easy options because you may find yourself dating people who are unworthy of your time. Basically if you date with self-esteem and a positive attitude, you shouldn’t feel the need or desire to date people who are inappropriate. The normal reason why people do this is because they think they’re unworthy.
91. Donât try to buy or shag your way into someone liking you. One could potentially leave your wallet empty and the other could leave you emotionally empty.
92. Start as you mean to go on. When you’re dating, be personally secure, have boundaries, treat yourself with love, care, trust, and respect and live by your values because being yourself is what makes you attractive to the other person and it also gives them a birds eye view into what you will be like in a relationship. If you don’t treat yourself well or act without boundaries, these don’t scream commitment candidate.
93. Be careful of multiple dating. Itâs a tricky business juggling several men and requires you to be very organised. Unless youâre anal retentive enough to do the juggling without breaking a sweatâ¦steer clearâ¦ Dating is a less stressful when youâre not cacking yourself about mixing up names or sending an email or text to the wrong guy.
94. Also be careful of multiple dating as it is a sign of emotional unavailability and commitment-resistance. Many people date multiple people as away of not letting themselves get too invested in anyone. You can’t genuinely get to know all of these people.
95. Don’t date other people with a view to making the one you want jealous. The fact that you or someone can be jealous is not a sign of love – it is a sign of control. You also cannot keep up the ambiguity and jealousy on a medium to long-term basis – it would be exhausting! That and it’s playing games. If you have to make someone jealous for them to feel like they want you, they’re not worth dating. As an aside, Mr Unavailables get interested when they’re in danger of losing you and then when they feel secure of their affections…lose interest.
96. While it’s very flattering (sort of) that someone will say that they love you on the first date or very quickly, or tell you that they want to marry you, have babies, move in, they just can’t know enough about you for this to be sincere. People who try to fast forward the relationship from the get go often rush you through the early stages so that you miss vital signs that all is not well. However, the red flag is the fact that they’re speeding you through instead of letting the dates and the subsequent relationship grow at it’s own pace.
97. Donât date out of desperation because you end up with desperate dates that you end up doing a Fixer Upper or suffering with âI Can Change Himâ syndrome. If you date from an unhappy place when you already have low self-esteem, you will invite men into your life that reduce your self-esteem even further and cater to the insecurities that you already feel.
98. You donât have to say âI love youâ. Iâm not saying that people donât mean it when they say it, but often these three words get uttered because people want to move the relationship to where they think it should be. Remember that whilst you may think you mean it, itâs best to only say these words when you have all of the building blocks in place for a good relationship. Saying these three words, for instance, to a guy who struggles to remember to call you, is a recipe for disaster.
99. Enjoy dating and don’t take it or yourself too seriously. This means striking a balance between meeting people, socialising, and the potential of finding a relationship. Not every person can be ‘The One’. Not every date has the potential to turn into a relationship. Not every date should turn into a relationship and if it did, you’re either ‘lucky’ or have your quality control filter turned off.
100. Avoid emotionally unavailable men (Mr Unavailableâs) and assclowns like the plague. They may seem exciting and dramatic at first but you wonât be saying that when theyâve screwed with your head and you no longer know your ass from your elbow.
Your thoughts? I am putting these tips into an ebook. If you have any questions you’d like answered in it, add them in the comments!
Want to tackle your beliefs and get happier? Have you downloaded your free copy of Get Out of Stuck? Find out more details. . You can also check out the rest of my ebooks including Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl , the No Contact Rule and more in my bookshop ..