Written by Deborah on September 12, 2012 – -
by Shana James
Take a moment and feel into the part of you that wants… longs… even aches. Maybe you feel it in your heart. Maybe you feel it in your belly. Maybe you avoid feeling it at all because such precious cargo needs to be kept safe. Now ask yourself this question, “Do I ever stop myself from choosing any of my desires because I wonder what others will think?“ What did your Self say? It’s so easy to get caught up in how it will look to others and what they’ll think, isn’t it? I know it is for me! It’s easy to let something go that feels true to your heart because others may not approve. It’s easy to stop exploring or testing to see if something feels good because it’s not the norm. Our desires often get shoved under the carpet because of fear of others’ judgements, feelings or actions. What if he talks about me behind my back?
What if she thinks I’m a prude?
What if he doesn’t like me anymore?
What if she fires me? The reality is that people may think these things. People may even leave. But what is the cost of living this way? What is the impact of setting aside your desires and truth, to be good or right for others? Will you “wake up” at 35, 45 or 60, wondering whose life you’ve been living, feeling regret for the moments you’ve missed that you can never get back? This is your ONE LIFE to live. There is no manual that explains WHY you are here or what you have to accomplish. The way I see it, that means it’s up to you! Because who else could it be up to? So, what makes your heart flutter? What makes your breathe deepen? What makes your spine straighten? Do you want to change careers? Travel the world? Make sex a priority in your life? Spend money on yourself? Whatever you want, you actually deserve it. And since people simply will have opinions – many opinions – about what you do, how you respond is what makes the biggest difference in maintaining your sanity, keeping your relationships strong and having what you want without guilt! Ask yourself… Can I be true to the part of me that has this desire, even in the face of attack? Can I stay unapologetic when sharing about my decision, while at the same time understanding where someone else is coming from? Can I show when I feel hurt or afraid instead of lashing out? If someone doesn’t like you for who you are and what’s true to you, it’s probably not the best use of your time to hang out with that person (but you’re smart and you already knew that!). I invite you to try an experiment. For the next week (or month), consciously choose to spend time with people who support your desires! Share them. Talk about them. Lounge around in them. CREATE them! And let us know how it feels and what happens. I can’t wait to hear!
Shana James is a dating and relationship coach, co-founder of the Authentic Woman Experience, and senior Course Leader for Authentic World. She helps women and men create phenomenal romantic relationships, lives they love, and real sister- and brotherhood…without compromising themselves.
Over the past ten years Shana has coached and mentored hundreds of people from around the world. Even therapists and long-time coaches credit her with helping them move through their blocks to finding and sustaining love. Shana co-created the Authentic Woman Experience workshop series to serve women who are dissatisfied, settling or feeling resigned about love. In these teleseminars and live events, women learn to create the loving partnerships they deeply desire. Women in relationship learn to keep it deep, connected and passionate for the long-term.
Shana has a masters degree in Psychology, along with hundreds of hours of coaching and course leadership training. She lives with her husband and their baby in the SF Bay Area.
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