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Successful Relationship Tips: A Love Note To Uncertainty

Posted Sep 19 2012 10:33am

Written by Deborah on September 19, 2012 – -

by Shana James

Dear Uncertainty,

I notice you’ve been coming around often these days.  In times of transition it seems to be you and me, babe. I know I’m not always as kind as I could be. I don’t always show an interest in you. No, you’re not crazy, I actually sometimes ignore you when you reach out to me.

Why, you wonder, do I do everything I can to push you away? You wonder what is wrong with you that I don’t want to be close to you?

Wow, I never imagined that you have feelings too. I always saw you as the enemy. Someone I can’t get close to because things can change on a dime. To be honest it is really uncomfortable for me. When you are around I don’t know what I can count on. And I really like to count on things. It gives me a sense of control.

You remind me of some beautiful but painful truths, Uncertainty:

  • I don’t know how long my life will last. I can’t make everyone happy.
  • People won’t always understand why I do what I do.
  • I can’t know for sure what someone else’s experience is.
  • Being right often doesn’t get me what I really want.
  • The willingness to feel my pain keeps me closer to myself than numbing to it.

As I sit and breathe into the pit of my stomach — the place I often feel a tight gripping when I see you — I start to relax and see your positive intentions. I see that you mean me no harm. That you are actually quite wise. That I can learn more from you than I can learn from a lot of the activities I choose when you’re around.

So I wanted to take a moment to thank you for sticking around when I haven’t reciprocated your love. You’ve really stood by me, even when I’ve been mean and tried to push you away. Thanks for being something I can actually count on.

Want to have tea later so we can get to know each other a bit more?

With love,

Shana James is a dating and relationship coach, co-founder of the Authentic Woman Experience, and senior Course Leader for Authentic World. She helps women and men create phenomenal romantic relationships, lives they love, and real sister- and brotherhood…without compromising themselves.

Over the past ten years Shana has coached and mentored hundreds of people from around the world. Even therapists and long-time coaches credit her with helping them move through their blocks to finding and sustaining love. Shana co-created the Authentic Woman Experience workshop series to serve women who are dissatisfied, settling or feeling resigned about love. In these teleseminars and live events, women learn to create the loving partnerships they deeply desire. Women in relationship learn to keep it deep, connected and passionate for the long-term.

Shana has a masters degree in Psychology, along with hundreds of hours of coaching and course leadership training. She lives with her husband and their baby in the SF Bay Area.

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