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Night #25: Hurry up and wait

Posted Aug 26 2008 11:41pm

If you're new here, this post lists what I'm doing to lose weight, get healthier, sleep better and have more energy: [click here]

I'm still feeling very good. I don't overeat. I eat foods that are good for me. Yesterday I made myself take on the high impact section of the Step workout. Turned out not to be such a big deal: it's only 10 minutes long. But it does keep my heart rate up so I pretty much have to include it in the workout now to achieve 30-40 minutes of target heart rate (150 beats per minute).

I placed an ad and received a free new stepper. Problem is, it's oval and my workouts are all designed specifically for a rectangular one. I'm going to see if it's easy to adapt to it without breaking an ankle. If not, I'll try and buy a better one. The one I have was sprayed by a skunk when it was in my garage and I had to throw out the adjustable feet for extra height.

Yesterday the words, Hurry up and wait kept running through my head. This was prompted by a bad shirt choice. Amazing how certain clothes hide the body so well and others exploit it. The top I was wearing was not flattering at all. It made my tummy look like a too-high baby bump, threatening to overtake my chest. It was a cruel reminder of how far I have to go.

But instead of having an immature freak-out, I simply did inventory:
-eating right: yes
-exercising: yes
-sleeping: yes
-having fun: yes
-feeling useful: yes

Which means, I'm doing what I can to get to where I want to be. Or how I want my body to be, since the rest will always be a process. So for now, I accept that I have excess body fat and keep doing what I can to get rid of it. And I know slow is better, but boy, when you're doing everything right, fast would be great. This marks the second crack in my calm exterior: the diet syndrome of wanting it all now as if I got this size overnight. Not.

I'm still hunting around for other like-minded bloggers. I've found few discussion groups but nothing I felt inclined to jump into. I'm not much of a joiner. I find it takes so much time and energy to follow the discussions that I wipe out my own writing time, which I don't want to do.

Last night I felt like I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. I was under pressure to get to sleep fast because Manley had to go to sleep early and I knew there'd be a lot more hours of snoring to endure. My mind raced for a while but a played the hypnosis CD over it anyways. Near the end of the recording the battery failed and I had to swap for another and start again. I really wanted to hear the end of the tape. Something about it seems to launch me into a really good place.

Despite the feeling of insomnia creeping in, I never made it to the end of the tape the second time. I just slept, waking a few times as usual but falling back asleep again. I woke up following a dream where I was annoyed at something petty. I didn't want to feel that way.

-time to crack open the new juicer and see what taste sensations I can come up with
-exercise. It's raining so step aerobics it is, though I have a big urge to go for a really long, vigorous walk.
-hypnosis: same bat time, same bat station. In another week I can start on the next recording (Intuitive Eating). I'm very curious about it.
-fun: you know I live a wild life when cleaning out my pantry and getting rid of stuff qualifies as fun

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