I'm trying to write these notes as close to the time I wake up as possible while everything is fresh on my mind. I also don't have time to proof read today....
Yesterday I had time for a nap so I played the CD while laying down. My recall of that amounts to, Wow, did I ever have a deep sleep.
I also made myself go to bed early (which means before 11 pm as opposed to my usual habit of staying up and reading until 1 am). I got myself setup for playing the CD in our bedroom so I only have to endure Manley's snoring instead of the howling cat in the living room. It all comes down to, pick your annoying range of decibels.
I've now listened to the recording four times and I'm finding it very interesting how it never sounds the same twice. When I was listening to it in bed last night, there were several minutes there at the beginning where I was certain I was listening to the wrong CD. I thought somehow perhaps Manley had swapped them and I was onto the Intuitive Eating one. These are not the right words! I don't remember her saying that!
But then some familiar phrases came along and I began to doubt my own recall of it. Unless of course she says the same things on every CD? Settle down, it's the right CD.
The Monkeys of My Mind were in full swing: questioning this, pondering that, running off in daydreams about seemingly unrelated things.
What I noticed most vividly was how I kept hearing phrases in double. Key things seem to be repeated in identical fashion two times, one after the other. I'd almost swear they used the same recording twice, as opposed to the speaker attempting to say it two times in the exact same way, because it sounded so perfectly identical.
[As I'm writing this, my daughter is practicing her piano and I've got the drama and contrast of Beethoven and Mozart strongly serenading me, so I keep losing my train of thought, but this is the only time slot I have to write this today so I'll soldier on.]
I guess you can see what my thoughts are getting at? While part of me is off on the adventure of daydreaming, recalling certain long-forgotten memories from all different times in my life, and eventually going into lovely, deep sleeps, sometimes with lucid dreaming, sometimes not, another part of me is thinking: -How the heck does this hypnosis thing work? -And, is this what hypnosis is? -What is it that her speaking voice plus the music are doing that seems to transport me, raise me up?
There's a part in the recording where the music becomes definitely more powerful, yet still much in the background, and I found myself making a mental note to watch that part, pay attention to what the message there is saying to see if it becomes pivotal for me.
There's a warning on the CDs that one should never listen to them while driving. No kidding! While I don't feel like I've lost control of myself or couldn't jump to attention at any moment, there's such a depth to the relaxation that I can't imagine even trying to listen to it sitting up, let alone operating some sort of machine or car. I find somewhat similar to the times I've had a general anesthetic for surgery, except I can move and dream. I found the anesthetic so relaxing that I could understand why people get addicted to the experience. It's a level of peace that we don't really experience in every day life.
I was always leery of hypnosis because I associated it, as many I suspect do, with a loss of self-control. As if one becomes a limp puppet on the hypnotizer's strings. This is the same reason I've never had a drink of alcohol in my life. Having seen friends as teenagers who over consumed, I couldn't stand the thought of being that out of control and vulnerable to the help of others in a self-induced and rather pathetic seeming circumstance.
With hypnosis I imagined being somehow out of my self without the means to get back as needed. If what I've been doing each night is indeed 'being hypnotized', it's not like that at all. It's like being very conscious, yet so relaxed I cannot even really sense that I have a body. Sometimes I hear this sound, wonder what it is for moment, and then realize it's actually my own deep slow breathing.
I'm over my fear of this being an undesirable, vulnerable act. And because I don't feel any reason to suppress the Monkeys of My Mind, there's no pressure to be something I'm not or reject any part of myself, the way I've felt I had to in meditation. Though I'm so attached to the level of relaxation I've already experienced that I do get slightly antsy that I might be interrupted by a family member, perhaps one of the kids coming in to ask me something or whatever. I think I might tell them that they should only come ask me something in bed at night now if the house is indeed on fire and the firefighters are insistent that I get out of bed.
Last night I recall hearing about 4-6 double phrases and then, well, I woke up what I think was a few hours later. I didn't want to check the clock because if I expose my eyes to any light in the night, I tend to stay awake for a long time. I checked that the CD player was shutoff and went back to sleep.
I dreamed that I was an essential person in an event happening with a number of famous people. To be perfect for the day, I was (apparently) shaving my entire face (!) before going on stage. This was acceptable to everyone there watching, and me doing it, but the lucid part of me that often also watches my dreams while it was happening, was thinking, you've got to be kidding. I also noticed that all the famous people were actually dead famous people. Whenever this happens in dreams I always wake up with the worry that I'm going to die soon and the dead people have come to welcome, or escort me.
Today's Plan: -Eating: eat when hungry, stop when satisfied, never full; eat at least one apple, pay close attention to the eating experience even when eating with other people -Exercise: I'm going to have to fit in later in day because I'm all booked up -Sleep: go to bed before 11 pm -Hypnosis: listen to the CD while falling asleep tonight