Tanya: Things I really love about me! My eyes. My mothering ability. My determination. My patience. My kindness...
Written by Tera on January 24, 2013 – -
by Tera Warner
In continuing our little virtual Communication Cleanse (search Communication Cleanse in the blog search window to access other entries) we’re going to talk today about the one things you’ve got to BE in order to communication. The more we proceed, the more you’re going to realize I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know. It’s just that after receiving over 3000 media messages every day for the last however many years, you kinda forgot a few inherent truths about life and communication. Here’s a big forehead slap if you ever needed one:
You’ve got to be there, %$firstname$%.
Remember when you were a kid and saw magic everywhere?
It’s because you weren’t worried about the future or stuck in the past. You were fully present in the moment enjoying your environment and experiences!
Have you ever had the experience of talking with someone and feeling like you could have just as easily been talking with a donut hole and you would have had as much participation?
What about the reverse? Have you ever been staring into space with a ditsy glare plastered across your face while someone spoke to you about something, and you knew you were You just not THERE.
1. There’s something you didn’t fully understand.“check out” of a conversation because there’s something you haven’t fully understood. If someone uses terms or concepts you don’t fully understand, you can draw a “blank” and just get lost. The same thing happens when you’re reading–have you ever gotten to the bottom of a page and realized that you have NO idea what you’ve just read?
That’s because there’s something you misunderstood and now there’s a big “blank”. Be attentive in your communication and ask for clarification when there’s a word you don’t understand. Being spaced out makes you look more stupid than asking questions. If you’re not sure or clear, ASK. Be present to the communication and honor the other person with your full attention.2. Hungry, tired and worn out.
If you’re tired, hungry or worn out, then you are way more likely to get distracted, have accidents and make mistakes then when you’re well rested and properly fed. Taking care of yourself really is vital to being able to be there fully present in your communication with others and in Life!
3. The past, the future, the present.
When we understand that communication isn’t just happening with people, but with our environment, situations and even ourselves, then it will make sense to consider that sometimes we fall out of communication with our present environment and circumstances when we get “triggered” and some event of the past takes up our attention instead.
You do have a past, and chances are there are a few uncomfortable experiences along your track of time. When you’re tired and worn out, under stress, pressure, etc., then old junk from your trunk will just start kicking you around. You’ll become easily triggered and reactive and generally have a much harder time being present in communication and to life in general.
You won’t feel like yourself.
The same thing can happen if you’re worrying about the future. If you’re sitting in a conversation with a person, but thinking of all the things you have to get done, you’re not really being there, are you?
It doesn’t really matter WHY you’re not there in communication, it matters that you GET THERE in communication and DECIDE to be fully present to the people and situations in your life. In order for that to happen you need to:
1. Prioritize taking good care of yourself. Get rest and healthy food.2. Get into the present moment.Life is in you right now and the choices you make today determine what happens tomorrow. Regret about the past and worry about the future pull you out of the game. Every moment you have an opportunity to CHOOSE to be present and that choice alone can lift you higher and dramatically increase your livingness, confidence and pleasure in life.
Tomorrow I’ll teach you a very vital tool that can help you make that happen even easier!
Today be focused on our outside relationships with extended family members, people in our community, groups, etc. Observe the degree to which others are present in communication with you. Observe how present you are to communication with others and with your environment.
Try this in a park. What more do you see and notice about your environment when you get out of your head and really notice the things that are in a park–the birds, the plants, the kids, etc.? Do you stare at the pavement when you walk, or really notice the people and things around you?
This is a very powerful tool that can dramatically enhance and improve your communication skills with just about any person and any area of your life! I’d love to know what you think about it, so please leave a comment below and let me know.
Love and Presence,
If you want to listen to a call that might really help you become more present in the moment, check out this interview I did with my dear friend, Tom Cronin, co-founder of the Science of Stillness.http://www.wishsummit.com/calls-2012/tom-cronin